It's Me!

Sunday was slightly traumatic. Fought with my mother from the moment I got home about my brother. She wanted me to be nice to him and I didn't want to. Dinner put me in a better mood and, when he drove to our mom's house after dinner, I was okay with him again.

Monday night my beloved roommate told me he was moving to Florida in a couple of weeks. He offered to pay half of the rent he already was paying (which isn't much) for the last 2 months of my lease. So this means not only will I be broke this summer, but in August I get to move again. I hate moving. Especially in the summertime.

I love my apartment and I love Athens; I am really dreading this move. I've decided to move to north Atlanta (closer to work) and get a one bedroom that will allow my husky. I really don't want to live by myself at this point in my life. I've done it before and I loved it, but I don't know anyone in the city but my sister and brother and, with working, I don't go out during the week anymore. Better get a good cable plan.

Other than that, I'm planning my trip to Oxford, Mississippi this weekend.

It's Friday and there is no boss on the office. Both of them went home to their families (they work in 1 state and live in another.) The question I've been asking is why are we here? Why aren't we taking hour and a half lunches and calling it a day at 3? Damn morals.

There is a higher level of bitching about customers and even a stab or two at the boss, but the five of us are still faithfully sitting at our desks. We're working... a little lighter than usual. I made a paper clip necklace. I also sent a memo to the company saying that my birthday is on Sunday and all presents can be left with Dorian at reception on Monday.

I'll even extend the invitation to y'all. Her name is Dorian and I like shiny things.

Spent my lunch hour at the used book store I found. Bought three more books, including Fred Chappell's I am One of You Forever, possibly my favorite book of all time. (Don't ask me why I didn't already own it.)

I seriously need to quit buying books until I've read all the ones I own (including ones I bought over six months ago.) I find that if I keep my unread books unshelved and sitting in a conspicuous pile, I will pick them up and read them. If they're shelved, it could take years (ahem, Gone with the Wind.) I also find something satisfying about finding a final resting place on a bookshelf for a book I just finished.

I'm planning a kick ass birthday/anniversary weekend. Tomorrow we're going to get my hair cut and give blood (not exactly romantic, but Red Cross called me. It will also benefit me later in the day.). Then we are going to drive to Chateau Elan in Winder and have lunch there, followed by a wine tour and tasting (now giving blood doesn't seem so bad!) From there, we're going to Commerce so I can shop at the outlets (more for me than him.) Then that night, we will eat at Speakeasy, my favorite restaurant of all time and the place of our first date, followed by a bottle of wine at home that we will buy at the winery.

Sunday we're going to my mom's house and then to Atlanta to meet everyone for dinner at Maggiano's where people will shower me with presents.

I'm excited, I hope it turns out great!

Updates

At work there is a piece of cardboard resting against a wall and on it is a sign that says, "Do not touch! Testing." What exactly can be discovered with cardboard laying against the wall?

My cousin finally called me back about dinner this weekend. He apologized and says he was out of the country. I guess that's an acceptable excuse...

On my way home from work yesterday I passed a police car labeled Federal Service Protection with a big emblem from Homeland Security. At first I thought, Cool, I've never seen one of these before. And then immediately afterwards, Holy Shit! Why is this car heading to Athens?! Perplexing.

As a part of my silent wardrobe rebellion I work I chose to wear a t-shirt with a drawing of a dog's butthole on the back. It was one of those "If you're not the lead dog, the scenery never changes" shirts. A lot of people commented, but I got away with it because it was a t-shirt from one of largest customers. What can they say if it's a multi-million dollar customer? Yeah, that's right- nothing!

Blood's thicker than water, unless your brother is an asshole

My birthday is this weekend and the family traditionally congregates and to take me out to dinner. Usually I'm depressed because someone just broke up with me. (My dad thinks boys break up with me right before my birthday because they don't want to buy me a present.)

About a week ago I found out that my brother wouldn't be there this year because he's vacationing that weekend. He didn't tell me to my face; he told my mother. Then I found out that he is visiting his wife's brother. On my birthday.

I was mad: he didn't tell me this to my face and he said no other weekend was convenient to get together. This isn't the first time this has happened and he lives an hour away.

My dad asked who was going to dinner and I didn't mention his name. He asked if he was going. Dad was upset (surprisingly) that he wouldn't be there and mentioned something to my brother the next time they spoke.

Last night my brother calls. I suspected he was trying to see if we could get together during the week to celebrate. I didn't want to talk to him or meet with him so I let my voicemail get it. Instead he leaves this threatening message:

This is your brother and I want to know why you are sicing the family on me.

He might have said something else but I quit listening. I'm not even going to defend his statement because I know the truth and don't feel like I have to.

I would tell you that I plan on missing his birthday this year because I'm expecting a really good bowel movement that day, but his birthday falls on Father's Day. So the family will have a party to celebrate both.

I called my cousin and told him my brother wouldn't make my birthday this year and I was hoping he could take his place. I left him 2 messages. A week ago. I called my pregant step-sister crying last night and she said she and her husband will go, so it won't just be me, Matt, and my parents.

I hope she isn't offended I called her third, but she's busy with her job, husband, and pregnancy so I see her a couple times a year. She also lives an hour away.

Did I mention that there are 6 of us? 6 children? 1 will probably be there and I think the only reason is because I was crying.

The hot pants plan: day one

Since I was asked "to be conscious" of my wardrobe malfunction (!) on Friday, I decided to wear khakis that sit higher than the jeans I wore with a polo shirt. Again I was taken aside and told that while I was sitting at my desk and twisted towards the phone, someone complained that a flash of skin showed.

I was completely and utterly disgusted.

My response was something to the effect that I was sitting in a chair with a high back at my desk. Someone would have to look specifically at my ass and search for it to see it, and I didn't appreciate the fact there were people at my office with eyes that friendly.

I was told I made a good point.

So I work with wardrobe Nazis. When the receptionist came in to work with her tattoos showing no one made a fuss, but the sight of my pale hip apparently makes people think of the devil.

I'm now thinking of creative solutions as to not to make my coworkers think of dirty sex when they see me. Maybe I'll put a curtain up that will be waist high so no one will be offended while walking past my cubicle. Maybe I'll have my boyfriend write, "If you can read this than you are too close to my ass" on my butt.

Any suggestions?

Forget the taxes, give me death!

This week has been crazy. Work was hell because the receptionist kept not showing up. I forget how nice it is to have one. I spent more time in meetings this week then actually working at my desk. A phone conversation I overheard yesterday:

Steve: We're up 35%!

Caller: (muffled)

Steve: In meetings, not in sales. Sales? We're the same...

Taxes are due...I owe to both state and federal. Thanks Kia for giving me a $3k bonus and not taxing it. Credit card bill is also due today, so I'm broke until pay day.

I was taken aside today at work and was told I needed to "re-evaluate my wardrobe." I would like to precedent the conversation with the fact that I do not dress sexy at work, unless you consider polos and jeans racy. Someone complained that he "does not need to know what color thong I wear each day." I have several problems with this opinion for the following reasons:

1) This sounds very prejudiced against thongs as underwear.

2) I do not wear thongs more than twice a week, as they are necessary to any female that owns khakis or linen pants.

3) My underwear only peeps out when I bend over at the copier, which is front of his office. I'm not into the midriff showing thing.

4) I refuse to be accountable for this because all pants for females my age sit at the hips. I don't even buy the low rise. Likewise, all shirts only go down to just below the navel, creating the space when ladies bend. Instead, I think he should write a strongly worded letter to the fashion industry.

5) What the hell is he doing staring at my ass anyways?

The resolution? Wear big, bulky sweaters. In the summer. In Georgia. In an office building without temperature control (aka no air conditioning.) That, or "ask my rich daddy for money." Both are unrealistic.

Too bad he doesn't know about my hot pants plans for this summer.

On the plus side, I spent my lunch hour at a used book store and bought a few audio books for my long commute to and from work. The most interesting one I bought was by Ben Stiller and Janeane Garofalo. They do a "he said, she said" about their bad relationship and love in general. I hope it's funny. I'll test it out at quittin' time.

A moment of unprofessionalism

Did I ever mention that my father is a sales rep for the company I work for? I try to refer to him by his first name here, but it's hard when you've been calling someone one name for over 20 years and you have to change.

There was a big sales meeting held in the office for the salesmen the past 2 days. One woman was showing me professional photos of her daughter in her wedding dress 3 months before the wedding. They were gorgeous. I have a strict rule of not making any wedding plans until I'm engaged, but I just had to have this done for me too.

So what do I do? "Dad! Dad! Come here! You have to see this! I want this!"

Oops.

It is also worth noting that no one else knew he is my father. It's not a secret, but it just never came up. I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the other salesmen staring at me.

"Uh, Ken...look at Shirley's pretty daughter..."

They laughed and the cat is out of the bag. Maybe they'll be nicer to me now.

Sunnyside up?

I've noticed my entries recently have been a bit negative so I am going to consciously write about something else.

Matt was busy but was able to come up Saturday night to see me. I wanted to attend the UGA baseball game and thought it was nice enough outside to go to a bar and get a beer beforehand. (It's three o'clock in the afternoon.) We were having a good time so it didn't matter the game got delayed from 4pm to 7pm so it could be televised.

While waiting for the game, I got completely tanked. Arrived at the game with a serious case of beer munchies and ate 2 bratwursts and nearly passed out on Matt's shoulder. Needless to say, I made it to the fourth inning before I declared I wanted to go home and go to bed. It was 8:30pm. Apparently I can't drink like I used to. I completely missed the concert I told everyone I was going to go to and climbed in bed early on a Saturday night with what felt like a gallon of water on my night stand.

That night, a bunch of UGA football players got arrested downtown at one of the bars. Dammit. I always miss the good ones.

Drunk and about an hour from passing out

My boyfriend and I always seem to get booty calls/contacted from our exes at the same time. I actually like the timing because it plateaus the jealousy. Yesterday was no different: my latest ex calls me to hang out and Matt's ex calls to say she's moving back to Georgia.

I'm fine with hanging out. The feelings aren't there anymore and I enjoy the friendship. Matt was fine with it too (or said he was, but I believe he was okay with it.) Then he calls me to tell me about a "weird" phone call he received.

He hasn't spoken to this ex since we've been dating, although she texted him once around Thanksgiving and once around Christmas: he responded neither times. She calls him today in a conversation that lasted about a minute and went something like

"Hey I'm moving back to Georgia. Kennesaw is creating a position for me as assistant athletic director (or something.) We'll make plans when I get back. I'm about to go back in to work. Bye!"

Matt didn't get a chance to put in a word. I thought it was weird that she calls him after 8 months and didn't execute the call when she had more time. That's a big deal. I would do it that way, with probably 4 beers in me too.

The call didn't bother me, but he was obviously jarred by it. He was distracted the rest of the night until I got him to talk. And it was all we talked about. I relayed a similar instance that happened to me this summer with the only person I've ever referred to as "the love of my life." He asked if he could go out to dinner with her and catch up and I was totally okay with it, which surprised me because in other relationships I would have said no, he would have gone anyways, and I would have sat at home and cried about it. But this was fine with me. Even Matt was shocked.

It wasn't until he mentioned that he told his dad and his dad made a comment about how he didn't like her anymore. "She lost me with the football ticket incident," he said. This immensely bothered me and I'll tell you why:

a) This doesn't seem like a response to an information only conversation. Such as, "The Red Sox lost today." This seemed like a I have a girlfriend but my ex girlfriend called me, who should I date? advise seeking conversation.

b) It also seems like a comparative situation: current versus the ex. I don't like being compared to someone I know nothing about.

He was quiet and I asked him if he missed her. He said, "No" and told me he loved me. Blah. I want to be supportive, but something doesn't sit well with me and I can't put a finger on it.

Mitch Hedberg passed away last week and we lost the news in between Teri Schiavo and the Pope. They say bad things happen in threes and I can't decide if it's Teri Schiavo's death, the Pope's death and

a) Mitch Hedberg's death
b) Johnnie Cochran's death, or
c) Frank Perdue's death.

OR, maybe, those can be a trio of bad things that happened and we're still waiting on one more person to die...morbid. I was planning to see Mitch next month when he came to Atlanta, not anymore. I'll spill a little beer on the ground for ya.

Whoever invented TGIF should go to hell

It's the last few minutes of my Friday and all the bosses have already left work. Why am I still here? It's an abuse of the honor system!

Has anyone else been following the news this year and thought, Armageddon has already transpired, the good people have already left, and God has left us here to battle it out ourselves?

My mind is scattered because I tried to use it too much today. I need to go home and watch some roadrunner cartoons.

The roommate is in Virginia and the boyfriend is on his way to my apartment. I guess we're left to our own devices this weekend. It's my turn to plan the weekend and I am out of ideas. Right now the plan is buy some sandwiches, make some dip, drink some beer, and watch some movies.

On the plus side of today, someone said to me: "Hey, you look nice today," to which I gave a cheery "Thanks!" Then he says, "April Fools!" All of a sudden I'm in fourth grade and everyone made fun of me because I read books. I'm walking out of the music room and heading down the hallway. A boy named Matt stops me and says, "Guess who likes you!"
"I don't know, who?"
"I don't know, you tell me!"
It was a lame joke but I remember my face falling and I just looked devastated. I was devastated.

Thanks for letting me revisit that today.