I'm fine with hanging out. The feelings aren't there anymore and I enjoy the friendship. Matt was fine with it too (or said he was, but I believe he was okay with it.) Then he calls me to tell me about a "weird" phone call he received.
He hasn't spoken to this ex since we've been dating, although she texted him once around Thanksgiving and once around Christmas: he responded neither times. She calls him today in a conversation that lasted about a minute and went something like
"Hey I'm moving back to Georgia. Kennesaw is creating a position for me as assistant athletic director (or something.) We'll make plans when I get back. I'm about to go back in to work. Bye!"
Matt didn't get a chance to put in a word. I thought it was weird that she calls him after 8 months and didn't execute the call when she had more time. That's a big deal. I would do it that way, with probably 4 beers in me too.
The call didn't bother me, but he was obviously jarred by it. He was distracted the rest of the night until I got him to talk. And it was all we talked about. I relayed a similar instance that happened to me this summer with the only person I've ever referred to as "the love of my life." He asked if he could go out to dinner with her and catch up and I was totally okay with it, which surprised me because in other relationships I would have said no, he would have gone anyways, and I would have sat at home and cried about it. But this was fine with me. Even Matt was shocked.
It wasn't until he mentioned that he told his dad and his dad made a comment about how he didn't like her anymore. "She lost me with the football ticket incident," he said. This immensely bothered me and I'll tell you why:
a) This doesn't seem like a response to an information only conversation. Such as, "The Red Sox lost today." This seemed like a I have a girlfriend but my ex girlfriend called me, who should I date? advise seeking conversation.
b) It also seems like a comparative situation: current versus the ex. I don't like being compared to someone I know nothing about.
He was quiet and I asked him if he missed her. He said, "No" and told me he loved me. Blah. I want to be supportive, but something doesn't sit well with me and I can't put a finger on it.
4 comments:
It always happens that way. Thankfully my boyfriend usually hates his exes by the time they break up, but I have that sort of problem when his old friends from his "clubbing" days call, because I know what sort of behavior came from said clubbing. I would never forbid him from seeing them but it makes me nervous when they make plans. Hang in there, and trust really helps!
I screwed up once in this exact situation. My ex, my BIG EX, emailed me and told me she wanted to see me if I ever came back to GA. I told her I would love to catch up. Anyway, my wife was a little nervous about it...but she said okay. I went and my ex tried something. I did not give in and walked away. I told my wife, and ever since then it has been weird. It is my fault, I opened the door to the past. It is the past for a reason and it has no place in the present. He is with you now and does not need to see his past loves. I find it disrespectful personally. I know I will never do it again. Of course that's just my opinion...and they are like assholes. Ever one has one, but every one else's stinks.
Holy crap! Did she hit on you after you were married?
He did confess that she might try something...oh dear...
Yep, we were hanging out at a coffee shop and she put her hand on my leg and suggested some things....
I just got up and walked away.
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