Issues

I can't remember the last time I went on a first date and stayed sober. Maybe when I was 19? It's been 5 years since I had a first date that I didn't get drunk during: yesterday was no exception. The fact that the date was at noon doesn't make things any better.

I haven't been tanked at 2 in the afternoon since, well Christmas, but before then football season in Athens...okay but before then, college a year and a half ago.

This isn't looking good for me.

I put the bottle down for close to 2 years as far as heavy drinking goes. For some reason, I picked it back up again in the past few months. And I don't care. I'm a hoot under the influence.

That's what they tell me anyways.

What you can do with an afternoon off, some beer, and a paint program

Now everyone can see what I see when I pass the Nick and Jessica DVDs:

Random thoughts- that's the best I am today

I met a guy who works at Borders...

...Hello, employee discount! HAHAHA!

***

Every time one of my brothers visits, my bottle of shampoo disappears and is replaced by a completely different bottle, throwing my hair chemistry out of whack. This has happened on his last 3 visits. I think I'm in the midst of a prank war and didn't even realize it.

I want my shampoo back.

***

I get uncomfortable when I'm in Best Buy and I pass the Nick and Jessica Newlyweds DVDs. There they are embracing each other in their jean shirts and smiling at me and I feel really awkward because I can go one isle over and see them in a cat fight on the cover of any magazine. Just the sight of their DVDs completely jars me.

From the mouths of babes

Jamie: What was your favorite thing you got today?
Niece: My Little Pony panties.
Jamie: My Little Pony panties?
Niece: Yes.
Jamie: Well, did you get any My Little Ponies?
Niece: Yes.
Jamie: But you like the panties better?
Niece: Yes.

Go figure.

Had some fun at the dogs' expense this morning

Jubilee

Abby

Nikita

Jingle Bells, Santa Smells

I'm watching Cinderella Man last night (which is a very kick ass film. At one point I actually forgot it was a movie and started cheering at the TV) and the doorbell rings. Who the hell comes all the way out to our house unannounced? It was the next door neighbor's boy and his friends.

And they were completely stoned.

Right out of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, he and his friends start singing "Jingle Bells" and one kid is trying to strum a guitar. "This is awesome!" one kid keeps saying in between the stanzas.

Oh Spicoli...

Did I mention that they were in complete goth make up?

Afterwards they just stand there. I didn't know if I should offer them some cookies or something, but we don't have any. "Well, that was great," I say. "Merry Christmas." And I close the door right in their faces.

That's a lot of dirty butt

We had the nieces and nephews over last night. Somehow, my bed is the official diaper changing table of the house. Did I mention I have 6 nieces and nephews under the age of 5? That's a lot of dirty butts on my bed. And not the kind of butt I'm looking for. When our house cleaner showed up this morning, I directed her to my room to change those sheets!

She got me back though. She told me under no uncertain terms today am I to make chili again while she's cleaning the kitchen. Apparently, chili's pretty messy. Go figure.

Bitten by the love bug...and can't stop dancing

I fell in love with a song called "Show Me" by Mint Royale this weekend.

If I could marry it and have it's babies I would.

...little dancing De La Soul babies...

If you can still download music, get it and tell me what you think.

If you don't love it, then you're an idiot.

And that's not a hyperbolic statement. I mean it. We can't be friends anymore.

A Weekend Recap:

Number of states visited: 3
Number of miles traveled: 780
Number of miles I drove: 445
Number of prior ski trips: 4
Number of prior snowboard trips: 0
Number of falls encountered by snowboarding: unknown
Number of bruises obtained by snowboarding: unknown
Number of bruises on butt: 6
Weeks estimated for bruises to heal: 4
Times cursed in front of a child while snowboarding: constant
Children under the age of 6 who can snowboard better than me: 8
Times asked if I was okay by man riding on the ski lift above me: 1
Thoughts considering taking a second shot at snowboarding: 2
Number of breathtaking views: 1001

Snowboarding with the Big B this weekend.

A completely true and insane story

The Lord & Taylor's by my house is going out of business and I've been in there every week getting great deals on some work clothes. So far I've gotten a $1000 wardrobe for $150. Every time I go there, the same security guard is there laughing at me. He sees me making trips to the car with giant bags and going back in for more and he sees me often.

After a 4 hour binge there yesterday, I'm getting ready to leave and he comes up to me again.

Security Guard: Do I know you from some place?
Jamie: No, I don't think so.
SC: You look really familiar.
Jamie: I get that A LOT. I think I just have a familiar face.
SC: No, I think I know you.
Jamie: Seriously, this happens all the time. People will do this for an hour with me and then say, "I know where I've seen you before- you look exactly like Jen from Dawson's Creek!"
SC: No, that's not it...
SC: ...
SC: Are you on MySpace?

I about wanted to die. Completely true story.

Whatever that means

I completely stole this from Mesabi Red, but I thought it was fun. Here is my Avatar:



Unlike my weather pixie, she is not a ho.

Donald Trump, I feel you.

My Visa check card number was stolen and someone has been making purchases (all pennies under $20) to Septimus. Kick-ass. Yes, they did put the money back in my account within 24 hours, but what the commercial doesn't tell you is that your check card is now void and it takes 5-7 business days to get a new one.

This is especially sucky if you ran out of checks.

It's even more sucky if you have plans to go out of town this weekend.

That was me

That was me in Belk's yesterday. That was me who was getting a little too much into the Christmas music playing overhead. That was me who didn't realize how tight the isles were.

That was me who accidentally swung my purse into the pyramid display. That was me who stood in horror and watch all the boxes of perfume collapse. That was me who just turn and ran straight out of the store.

Hallelujah, Holy Shit!

My favorite Christmas movie is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I'll even watch it in July. This year...we're living it.

My father set up his outdoor Christmas decorations the Saturday after Thanksgiving. On Black Friday, they went out and bought some additional outdoor lighting, such as some lighted trees. My father punctuated our front yard with them.

About a week later, our next door neighbor decorated his yard. With the same friggin' decorations. Only he bought more of them. And put them even closer to the road than we did.

So we bought a reindeer.

And he bought 3.

Not wanting to get too petty over this subtle battle, we now began a contest over who has there decorations lit first. It started at 5:00 PM and slowly each house has pushed the light up time ahead.

Well we won today.

Because it's 11:30 in the morning and we flipped the switch.

Blogger Jamie, Writer Extraodinaire

I, your favorite unemployed blogger, have found someone naive enough intelligent enough to hire me.

I was at the airport on Friday when I got the call. I accepted a position as a technical writer for a software company. I will be updating their website and writing the information that goes on their software. I'm very excited because I finally have a job in my field: someone is paying me to write. I couldn't have hoped for anything better.

It's also on the posh side of Atlanta so I'll be a hip young professional. And by professional I mean yuppie, not prostitute.

Updates

For the past week I've been interviewing for a proper job, but I don't want to elaborate on it because I don't want to jinx myself and have to explain to everyone why I didn't get it. It's going well though.

I had to go into Atlanta the other day for a drug test. I spent the last six years of my life living in a small town and I still have trouble adjusting to Atlanta- even though I grew up in the metropolitan area. Sometimes I'll be in Costco and the crowd of people I have to fight through just gets to me and I have to leave immediately before falling into a panic attack. I'm not used to crowds or anything like that anymore. I used to, which is the weird thing.

I pull into this clinic, thoroughly pissed because I had to drive over an hour to pee in a cup, and I find out that they only have valet parking. So I had to drive over an hour and pay for valet parking to pee in a cup! Freaking city.

I have to go to a wedding this weekend so I'm going to be busy with that and the people that will be staying with us afterwards, but I have some good postings waiting.