Fridays are for MySpace

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
No. I'm what's called a "normal person." I don't have freaky toes. And those of you who say that the second toe being longer is a sign of royal blood, remember that they often intermarried to keep the bloodlines "pure." Sexual deviants.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
One that doesn't leak on me when I stick it through my mouth. One that doesn't bleed through paper. One that doesn't smear when wet. One that doesn't smear at all. Oh, and one that doesn't stain my shirt when I inevitably accidentally mark on myself.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
Watching American Idol. Shut up. You will be too.

4. What color are your toenails usually?
Whore red. I mean red.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
The horsepower statistics of water coolers. Who knew?

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
No curtains! That's because I don't have a window in my bedroom. Take that Atlanta Building Code!

7. What color are the seats in your car?
Gunmetal grey. Yeah makes it sound fancier than aluminum grey. Or shitstorm grey.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
We had a black cat with a white patch on her chest when I was really little. That thing was the devil.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
A CD I made for my friend in Australia. I actually had to put a lot of stamps on it. $2.75 worth of stamps.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
No.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
For the strip club. I mean, for the valet to the strip club. I mean, for the valet. At church. And by church, I mean bar.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
My nephew. My dog got jealous and grabbed him by the foot and tugged him off of my lap. So good to know how she would react if I ever decide to squeeze one out.

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
Yes? No? I don't know.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Never had it.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Either my Explorer or my stepmom's truck that I used until the insurance payment came through for wrecking my last truck.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators
No. The Hurricanes is a team of thugs and I could never root for the Gators. Ever.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
Uh, two years ago?

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Do I look 80?

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow:
My pimp dollar sign paper weight. Actually I think it's supposed to be gold.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
Some guy in some bar.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
The people that own my soul: Gables Community.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
A Bermuda beach scene from my friend in, you guessed it, Bermuda.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Cook? For me? ROFLMAO!

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
Um, no.

25. How many emails do you have?
Just over a 100 in my public. Just under 80 in my super secret one. I delete daily.

26. Last time you received flowers?
What a funny survey! I've never been sent flowers! Ever!

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
No. I'm not here to limit the civil rights of anybody. And you know what? The majority has no right to decide the civil rights of the minority. A guy named Jim Crow tried to do that once.

28. What are you listening to right now?
The Decemberists.

29. Do you play air guitar?
When I'm really really drunk.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
I don't "do" coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
WTF?

32. What is your high school's rival mascot?
Trojans? No, that was us. Dude, everybody hated us. Sprayberry was the Yellow Jackets. Pope was the Greyhounds.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
Miss Melissa Cosgrove

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
That stuff dries the shit out of my hands. Literally.

5. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
No.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
er, Gables Community off-white.

37. What is in your inbox at work?
Some big announcement about the closing of Piedmont and Peachtree for the next month. DOT said that teleworking is recommended for the duration. My boss snorted when I showed her that.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
The big traffic jam we had yesterday morning. Something like 25 car accidents within 3 hours and 50,000 people being at conventions 2 miles from my loft.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
Miss UGA my freshman year of college.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Fellini's Pizza with Phil. God, that seemed like months ago. Was it?

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Er, do the Burger King cardboard ones count?

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
A specification I filed away.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
It was called Crystal Pepsi, so that must be a yes.

44. Are you ticklish?
Oh yes.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
A couple of weeks ago? I have a pretty good view of the city and there seems to be fireworks a lot.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
Years and years and years ago. Doughnuts don't agree with you when you don't want to be fat.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned their call?
Hahah. I have no idea because I'm terrible about that.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
I didn't even know what a carport was until a few years ago. So, never.

49. Do you have a black dog?
My father does.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
No, just relish.

51. Do you find Dan French irresistible?
Does Dan french well? If that's the case, then yes.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
I have no idea; I don't notice eyes. Ask me about asses.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
Wha? This morning, I'm sure.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
No. Yes. No.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
I have two!