Flashback

Not all posts I write actually make it past the "Save as Draft" button. Some get rewritten into forms of prose. Paragraphs removed. Jokes deleted. Some are deemed too personal to throw carelessly out there for strangers to devour. Below is one such post.

Originally written December 1st, 2005.

I saved the wishbone from our Thanksgiving Day turkey and kept it on the counter until it dried out. I could use a wish these days. I, however, did not want to pull it against anyone else because I knew I would lose. And even if I did win, it wouldn't come true, just like my birthday wishes. In fact, the exact opposite happens.

The wishbone was more like a decision making bone. The left side was to move to South Carolina and try to start over in Charleston; the right was to move to Alabama and accept Jenn's generous offer. I closed my eyes and pulled. The left side broke and it took me a couple of seconds to realize what the outcome was. Is it the broken piece that wins? Or is it the piece that is still attached to the top?

The decision was made: I am going to move to Alabama. I walked back to the living room, sat down on the couch, and stared. I have to move to Alabama. Alabama is not what I wanted for my life. I wanted to move east and be as close to Beaufort or Charleston as possible. If I move to Alabama, I will be at least eight hours away from the beach house; I won't be able to escape there anymore. No one will visit me in Huntsville-- who goes there? I want a man with a college education and a proper job. That's few and far between there. Alabama is Georgia's rival. I hate Alabama.

I began to cry. I really didn't want to move there, but I was resigned to the idea. I've been looking for months for a job without a single bite. The only one willing to take a risk on me is my friend from high school. I began to cry harder. I love Jenn dearly and she is really great to me and I don't want to disrespect her or her offer. I think it's more of she's the only one that wants me and I'm crying for all the people that don't. Not to mention I'm sick and am also battling a fever.

Will my parents support me when I tell them? What will they say when they see me cry and unhappy with my decision? But really, what are my other options?

At that exact moment my phone rang. It was a local number that I didn't recognize so I let it go to voicemail. I checked the message. It was a recruiter from a resume I put in today. I wasn't expecting anything from it because for one, no one has seemed interested in three months. Secondly, I wrote a crap cover letter under the influence of my fever. I could have done a better job with it.

She wants me to call her back tomorrow morning. A real job. In my field. Even though I wanted out of Atlanta, it's still close enough to the beach. It made my day.