I'm an equal opportunity hater

I have decided today that I don't like makeup counter girls.

That's another group to add to my list:

• cab drivers
• poor white trash
• makeup counter girls

There's a lot of things a girl is able to scrimp on to make her outrageous rent each month. One non-negotiable, however, is foundation. A girl's skin is one of the most important things about her.

I walked into Bloomingdales to pick up more of my foundation. I'm not looking for a free makeover; I know exactly what I need. The makeup counter girl doesn't need to do anything but reach her sticky hand behind the glass and pick up the box and swipe my credit card. Easy commission.

That is, if she could remove her fat ass from her other makeup counter friends two counters down.

I stood with my face pressed up against the Estee Lauder glass for five minutes and the makeup counter cow didn't even budge. Next I set the eye shadow on fire with my lighter and tried sending her smoke signals with the box of tissues next to me. Nothing. Then I finally pulled my bra off and waved it over my head like a helicopter blade. She mooed.

When did these girls become the laziest people ever?

I left. Without my foundation, I left.

I walked into Neiman Marcus and stood expectantly at the Estee Lauder counter. The makeup counter girl was trying to escape, but stopped when she saw me and smiled. I stared at her. She tried to leave again and then changed her mind and stopped.

"Oh, did you need something?" she asks.

Well, I don't know why else I would be standing here making eye contact with you, Genius.