On Dating

First dates can be a harrowing experience. People become nervous and they aren't sure what to say or how good of behavior they should be on. Because of this, they slip up and say things:

"You remind me of my ex, only you're taller and funnier."
"Your read? So are you, like, a nerd?"
"My mother says I should get out of the house more."

Not me. Conversation comes easy for me. As the youngest of six, I had to learn how to be extroverted fairly quickly. Without a voice and a strong identity, I'd still be lost behind siblings #4 and #5.

Well, that and I've been on 6 first dates in the last 30 days. So I might have a little more experience.

While my date usually stumbles over topics and finally settles on, "So what are your plans for the rest of the weekend," I'm pretty good at avoiding the conversation killers. Slowly the awkward pauses become few and far between until finally he looks up at me from his vegetarian plate and smiles. Not a word is spoken between us, but instead satisfied silence takes the place of awkward pause.

This is where normal people think, Wow, this date is going pretty well. However, I think, Wow, everything coming out of my mouth is pure genius. Even more confident, I lose my first date filter and whatever I'm thinking flies out of my mouth.

Some people ramble in the beginning of the date. Apparently I like to wait until it's going well to see how fast it can tank.

One morning I woke up hungover and my first thought was of sheer horror: Did I really talk about dysentery for over 10 minutes last night? Omigod, I think I declared my love for madras shorts on men...

For the record, I'm slowly improving on my mental notes, but I still have quite a few.

• Note to self: For the love of god, stop talking about porn.
• Note to self: When writing down a Jewish person's e-mail address and you're trying to get the spelling correct, don't say, "J as in Jesus."
• Note to self: Even though it's tradition for your family to declare, "Let's go home and puke" after a good meal, outsiders will be horrified.
• Note to self: Don't tell men you're "emotionally involved" with Gilmore Girls.
• Note to self: Stop demonstrating yoga moves while seated in a restaurant.

**This is the point where you assume that no one called me again. Amazingly enough 5 out of 6 asked for second dates. The dysentery guy did not, but who can blame him?**