The perfect peach

It's 6:48 in the morning. I slept too long. Again. The only light in the room emits from my closet with its double doors wide open. My entire wardrobe glows, which should make it resemble some holy shrine, but instead it looks like an gateway to Hell -- belts, shoes, pants, and scarves all in disarray.

I stand in front of the double doors and gaze sleepily into the closet, not really thinking of anything. Sleep has manifested my hair into peaks and horns on my head and I'm pretty sure there were still pillow creases on my cheek. I don't have time to fool around with outfits this morning; I just need to pick something and go.

A pair of pants taunts me from within a collection of hangers. It's my Burberry plaid pants that zip up the back, size 6 and last worn when I was 22 and "hanging out" with Mike Anderson. I only have one shirt and one pair of shoes that I could wear with them, thus completing the ensemble.

Size 6. It's been awhile and it's been my goal. Do I dare? Do I try on the pants, risking rejection from something that can't even speak? I'd been feeling good recently, but there is still more weight I want to lose. It's too soon. It's carrying a print out of your engagement ring in your purse, it's attending the "running of the brides" when he won't call you back, it's bringing up the subject of children before you're 30. A multicolored scarf drapes off the top shelf, its fringe hissing at me formidably.

When have I ever been one to follow the rules?

I huff a few times as if I was planning to dive into deep waters, and yank the pants off the hanger. They're perfectly pressed because they haven't been touched in over 2 years. I put one leg in, then the other. I pull up, expecting to feel resistance in the upper thighs. I zip, expecting the seems to rip open. Instead I stare in the mirror, jaw hanging. I turn around to see how far up I was I able to zip, and the zipper rested at the top. Not only did they fit, but they looked good.

And who cares what your hair looks like when your ass looks like a perfect peach?