I hung out with some old friends Friday night. It was so refreshing to get as drunk and as stupid as I wanted to be without fearing judgment. I've been getting acquainted with Atlanta and I'm surrounded by new people all the time and I didn't even realize I was censoring myself until Friday night when we decided the new power move was to make the "shocker" with both hands and hold them up as antlers on our heads.
I miss them.
Old friends are my connection to the past. Their presence and their knowledge of me reminds me of how I used to be. And what I've become."When did I get so hateful, Ryan?" I slurred. "I'm a hate camel. I carry this lump of hate around on my back and I feed off it."
"You've always hated the general public!" he laughs.
"I have?"
"Yes! But I like this 'hate camel' thing. Do you spit at your enemies too?"
"Sometimes. Did I tell you that I got a lady to attack me on the off-ramp?"
I feel like I'm missing something because I'm in this new place when I don't know anyone longer than a few months. I don't have any of my old friends here. I know I'm not alone. My beloved ex roommate has been in Deltona, Fl since last May and still hasn't made a friend. Ryan lives in
My heart warmed and melted a little bit when I laughed and Ryan announced, "Jamie's officially drunk! She just did her drunk laugh!"
I didn't know until then I had one. I miss people knowing me so well that we don't have to tell each other everything. We just know.
So what now? Do I run back to Athens this weekend and hang out with everyone because I'm missing them so badly? Or do I push forward? Hang out with the new girls and learn more about each other so maybe one day we'll have this kind of relationship?
To be honest, I haven't made up my mind yet.
2 comments:
Take it from someone who has been in this situation many of times, just minus the close friends nearby as my saving comfort.. If given time your "new" friends could potentially be those great friends.
I viewed the friends I had here as those "superficial" friends who would never compete with my "real friends" but what I didn't realize is that a lot of those friends have truly become my "real friends" - some more than others. And if I would have continued to allow myself to live in the past I wouldn't have met my best friend here, who I know will be one of those friends that keeps in contact with you for many years to come even when their life has moved on.
So my advice to you is allow yourself to open up to those around you, allow them to be your friends. Some may be temporary friends, but some may not - and those are the ones who will stick with you for years to come. As far as your "old friends" they are your roots, and you should never let go of your roots. Once or twice a month get together with them so you don't forget where you came from and who YOU really are.
I forget sometimes that those great friends of mine who live far away now were once strangers to me... It does seem tougher post-college to make those kind of friends, but I'm sure it can be done :)
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