The job interview, part II

I arrive at the tiny office the next morning and see everyone I sat with yesterday, minus the gay guy. I was told we would be shadowing a rep today to get a gist of the job, then we would return to the office for the second interview. It struck me as odd that we would shadow before the second interview- why would they invest that kind of time with someone they only asked 5 questions to the day before?

I waited for what seemed like the standard 45 minutes and they started calling people back to meet the person the interviewees would shadow. People were paired up before me. Then they called the same girl I interviewed with yesterday and stuck the both of us with one guy. I don't know the odds of that happening.

We get into his car and it's disgusting and messy and reeks of stale cigarettes. I didn't want my suit to absorb the smell. We leave and he starts to quiz us on forms of marketing and the drawbacks of each type. Having taken several advertising courses in college, I was well prepared with statistics and had a difficult time knocking some really effective advertising methods.

Then he tells me he's also a minister. (These things only happen in the south.) He tells me he also writes for a daily prayer journal. He then proceeds to pull the prayer book out and asks me to read from it out loud. I get carsick if I read in the car, but I read it aloud anyways, very quickly and sort of annoyed. This is a job interview and it is not professional to bring up religion or politics. If nothing else, it can lead to a discrimination lawsuit.

After I shove the prayer book back into a pile of cigarettes and ashes, I notice we've been in the car for awhile. I notice we're leaving Atlanta. Once again I begin to panic because I'm now stranded with these people because my SUV is still in Atlanta. "Where are we going?" I ask. He responds that we're going "a little up the road." We're on a highway. We're passing Tucker, Stone Mountain, and Snellville, GA. We are now over an hour from Atlanta. I begin to ask questions again. He says he'll answer all questions during lunch only. I'm getting pissed. I'm trying to think of someone I can call that can pick me up from way out here.

He tells these anecdotes about how he decides where to work everyday by the writings on the back of semi trucks. He says the Lord once gave him a message on the back of a semi and now he gets all his inspiration from 18-wheelers. I kick around some cigarettes on the floor boards with my sandal, staining the tip of my toes ash gray. He sees "Mansfield" on the back of a semi and he wonders what that means, not literally, just what the Lord is trying to tell him. All of a sudden, I'm glad this other girl was on the "interview" with me.

We come into some tiny backwoods town, which is probably more of a village or an incorporation. We drive through neighborhoods until we find Mansfield Rd. Then he parks the car and tells us we're here. My worst fear is realized: it's door-to-door sales.

The only people at home in the middle of the day are home schooling moms and derelicts. I got to meet a plethora of both. After 4 hours of walking around 93 degree heat in a suit, I get dizzy probably from dehydration. I already know I don't want this job- I've known that since yesterday really- but I'm willing to hear this guy out in case he offers me an obscene amount of money which is not very likely because even the crazy gay guy yesterday got an interview. I refuse to go any further until we go to lunch and get some questions answered. The girl behind me nods.

We sit down at a Wendy's- after buying our own lunches- and he tells us the plan. He called it the "management training program" which is basically a pyramid scheme. You start at level 1 and make pure commission for a couple of weeks, then you move to level 2 where you train without compensation and stay commission only for about a year. Then you're an assistant manager and make 100k a year for 2 months. Level 4 is a manager and you make 150k plus.

Oh and you work Saturdays as well.

He steps up and says, "Shall we continue our afternoon?" Just then a bolt of lightning strikes and it begins to pour.

Oh, Hell no! my head screams and I jump up, "Thanks for the offer but I'm not interested." The other girl echoes my sentiments and he says he'll drive us back.

We finally arrive back at the building he tells us we have to go inside. When I ask why he tells me it's so they can be sure he brought us back for safety and legal reasons. I get inside the office and ask if there is something I need to sign. They say it'll be taken care of in the exit interview, which I don't completely understand since I told them I didn't want it. I thought of scribbling something out and just leaving but then I thought that I get to tell them exactly what I think of them and I decided to stick around. It's completely out of character for me to do this, but I was that angry and truly felt misled.

Mr. Hottie is away on business, but equally-as-Hottie conducts the exit interview. I sit down and tell him exactly what I think of his "management training program:"

It's a hoax. You see, everybody is on the management training program. Every person you hire, you tell them they are fast-tracking to management. If 100% of the people are in the program, then they are all destined to be management. You can call everyone management, but then there is no real management. It's sorta like communism. Yeah, I agree that's a little harsh, but hear me out.

I tried to learn about your company before I initially came here. The only thing I saw is that y'all do a lot of advertising, stating that you're hiring. I've seen job postings date pretty far back. I'm willing to bet that you hire on a full-time basis. That girl up front- all she does is schedule interviews and all you do as "manager" is interview, am I right? I thought so. For a company to hire full-time, you must have a big turn-over percentage. I'm guessing it's over 90%.

People come in and you fill them up with promises to make them rich, as long as they're willing to do door-to-door sales for 8 months and it sounds pretty great, but let me ask you this: I heard a statistic from your salesman that you have one manager per every million people a city has. Atlanta has 6 million people. That means Atlanta can only have 6 managers. I saw your sales team/ management trainees this morning and I saw more than six, hire me and you add one more. Where are they all going to go?

They fall in the turn-over, yes I know. Yes, I know sales typically has high turn-over percentages, but, according to you, this isn't sales- it's management training. [Stunned silence]

I know all this because I've done sales before and I fell into the turn-over percentage because I'm no longer with that company, but you know what? I was making more per day than you're promising per week here in the lower levels. Look- if you had told me up front that this was door-to-door and that the pay was what it is, I would have turned you down immediately. Instead, I'm led on a wild goose chase and you wasted my time today as I have yours, because you're sitting here listening to me. That salesman? He had to leave his district early today to drive me back here and that's his wasted time where he can't sell as much. He's commission only so he actually lost money today by taking me out with him. It's called opportunity cost.

I don't want the job and I don't feel you've been honest with me. Yes, good luck to you too.

Very few times in my life have I been this upfront and articulate. I felt like a rock star walking out of that building and into the rain to go home.