Egads!

The walls in my apartment building must be thin because I can hear... certain things. It doesn't bother me- good for them for getting some. Those sounds are few and far between for my neighbors anyways.

However, my downstairs neighbors bother me. They only engage in the act at 4 or 5 am. Normally I could sleep through this, but their headboard is about 2 inches too close to the wall. So they wake me up and I get to listen to them bang until the final scream and the headboard becomes silent again. I feel perverted, but I cannot sleep with pound, pound, pound against our wall. Several times I felt like taping a note to their door, telling them to move their bed back from the wall a bit, but I didn't want to be approached with the whole scenario.

This was just a minor situation until today. I walked my dog when I got home from work and I walked her past their apartment. The couple was sitting on the back porch. I saw the girl, a small mousy thing, and then I saw the guy...and threw up a little in my mouth.

He was one of the ugliest people I have seen in a long time. He looked like poor white trash. Redneck poor. He must have a job that requires working outside because he has tan, leathery skin: the kind you see on 80-year-olds.

Not only must the headboard be moved from the wall, but all banging must cease immediately. People who look like that must not bump uglies. The order of the world is out of whack when good looking people I know are virgins, not by choice, and Leather Man gets to spread his seed.