So I walk into a bar last night...

So I walk into Barcode last night and I go up to the bar to order a beer. Instead of getting my holy PBR, he hoses me down with water. He did this twice. Finally I just gave up and said, "Finish the job and give me a free shot." Hehe, I got two. One he insisted was called a French Kamikaze and he leans over the wet bar and kisses me. Every time I asked for a refill on my water last night, I got the same effect. Hellz yeah.

God, I love being single.

Speaking of being single- did anyone else meet Shawn's roommate?
Well as awesome as I was last night, I lost some of that poise and grace today. Excavating glass from your feet is not a fun task.

This web log has been fueled by beer, for a different pint of view...

Tired of being called "Drunks," Irish-Americans have now changed their name to "Drunken-Americans."

OMIGOD!!!

I am home....

There are people in the world like me...

Jamie: What's your middle name?
Will: Babb.
Jamie: Oh, I knew that!
Will: Most people do. I get singled out for it sometimes.
Jamie: Do you know my middle name?
Will: Stupidhead?
Jamie: No, but close...
Will: What is it?
Jamie: Doodieface.
Will: Good ol' JDK...

As I leave work each day, I somehow always catch sight of this used condom that has been residing in the parking lot for weeks now.
Yesterday it got ran over.
Today it was green.

While I go to sleep and forget the awful occurrence commonly referred to as "last night," go and get your very own prison bitch name.
Oh yeah, you can call me The Undertaker...

For Sandy's farewell, we began our usual Tuesday night tradition mid-afternoon... in a bar. Ah, the glorious "happy hour" of Athens, Ga. In other places around the country, "happy hour" isn't so happy. It's a place where professionals to go after a long day at work, because they would rather be with strangers than at home with the women they chose to spend the rest of their lives with.

However, "happy hour" in Athens is a place for attractive twenty-somethings, who have some extra cash, to get an early start on the festivities.

Maybe we started a bit too early...

By 9 o'clock, I convinced my bartender friend to give Bonnie and I free drinks if we sit at the bar in our new bikinis. He agreed. I love Bonnie because she is the only person who is as playful as me and doesn't care what other people may perceive. Arm in arm, we strut out in our swimming suits and high heels and posed with people who work at the bar, drinking for free the whole time. I got 2 Bloody Marys and 3 Red Snappers out of it. We are also the new poster girls of Genco- our ad appears next week in Flagpole.

By 10 o'clock, we made our appearance to Wild Wings, where we proceeded to sing the worst karaoke ever. Unlike the rest of our friends, alcohol does not assist us well in our singing talents. However, we did get free shots for performing. Meanwhile, Geoff attended a concert where he fell asleep. "Unless the show was 10 minutes long, something must of happened," he muses.
Around midnight (time gets sketchy by this point), I accidentally power slammed a drink out of a girl's hand. It was so my fault; there was no other way to get around it. She was pissed and I owed her a drink. Of course, she is drinking a Jack and Ginger, one of the only 5 dollar drinks in the damn bar. I order her drink, knowing fully well I don't have any money to fund it. I ask Geoff; he is out of cash too. I mumble that it's on Brown's tab and I turn and run away. I would have never done that if it was a drink for myself, but I owed this girl. I force everyone to down the drinks and go to another bar; I do not want to get caught and have to owe this money... especially at a bar I go to every week.

At the last bar, Sandy begins to punch people as she meets them. Chris orders Craig to take her home.

Honestly, by this point, I have no conception of time whatsoever. All I know is I bought a new bikini and, by God, we are going swimming. We break into Bonnie's pool and jump in the freezing water. Apparently, it is not as warm out as it was when we did this last Friday.
I woke up Wednesday morning, not hung over, but very confused....

My circle of hell:

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

"Through me the way into the suffering city,
Through me the way to the eternal pain,
Through me the way that runs among the lost.
Justice urged on my high artificer;
My maker was divine authority,
The highest wisdom, and the primal love.
Before me nothing but eternal things were made,
And I endure eternally.
Abandon every hope, ye who enter here."

Jamie: Happy Birthday!!
Mom: Hi.
Jamie: Why are you crying?
Mom: It's my birthday and none of my children called me.
Jamie: But you've only been home for 30 minutes!
Mom: It's been a long 30 minutes.

Instead of selling my book back, I'm going to take it to work today. That way when the tornado sirens go off, I can sit under my desk with my book on top of my head: elementary school style...

I'm cramming like the Japanese in the subway.

I've reached the decision today to become one of those ultra-skinny "You need to eat; let me buy you some food" kind of girls. So far I've done a 40 minute work out of Tae-Bo (You laugh, but I swear this thing works. Give me 10 minutes to prove it- you won't be physically able to laugh at me again for days). I've compiled a list of other things I need to do. I figured 15 lbs would give me that bone-popping-out-of-skin appearance.

1. Make it past the 40 minute mark on my Tae-Bo DVD. ( I always swear I'll do all 60 minutes, but after spending minutes 30-40 lying on the floor of my apartment screaming while trying to make contact with 2 body parts that God obviously did not intend for them to ever meet, Billy Blanks says, "Ok now we're at the last 20 minute stretch and now we are really going to work out." This is the exact moment I crawl, or much more preferably, throw something at the TV so I don't have move, and turn the damn thing off. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm having sex with all the cacophony. Sadly, no, I'm just working out.)
2. Never, ever, nerver, furry, order another extra-large pizza again. It's 30% bigger than the large, and, dammit, I live by myself. The last one took me 4 days to eat.
3. When I do eat, I'm going to eat only crunchy things. This way I'll get tired of chewing and just stop eating.
4. Buy some of that body firming lotion. My skin is fairly firm, but, hey, they say it takes an inch off your thighs.
5. Buy clothing that I will be able to wear only when I become thin, because this work for everybody. Yes, I'm laughing at you.
6. Give up my beloved Tuesday Miller High Life and convince bartender to sell me 2 lite beers for the same price.

So you've seen my fool-proof diet plan. In 2 weeks you won't even recognize me.

Oh, by the way, for all you people who took my quiz and said I wanted to do Cameron Diaz and thought "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks": I'm showing you the finger.

I may be many things, but I am not a lesbian...

...you can quote me on that....

I had a dream last night in which I seduced a 60 year old man with a sultry version of the 80's pop hit, "Tainted Love." I feel like I need to explain myself here. The situation was my friend was getting verbally attacked by his father. In order to get the old man off my friend's back, I decided to "distract" him. Let's just say that I had no idea that "Tainted Love" or myself is that sexy. Secondly, I'm very glad that this was not another sex dream.