I've reached the decision today to become one of those ultra-skinny "You need to eat; let me buy you some food" kind of girls. So far I've done a 40 minute work out of Tae-Bo (You laugh, but I swear this thing works. Give me 10 minutes to prove it- you won't be physically able to laugh at me again for days). I've compiled a list of other things I need to do. I figured 15 lbs would give me that bone-popping-out-of-skin appearance.

1. Make it past the 40 minute mark on my Tae-Bo DVD. ( I always swear I'll do all 60 minutes, but after spending minutes 30-40 lying on the floor of my apartment screaming while trying to make contact with 2 body parts that God obviously did not intend for them to ever meet, Billy Blanks says, "Ok now we're at the last 20 minute stretch and now we are really going to work out." This is the exact moment I crawl, or much more preferably, throw something at the TV so I don't have move, and turn the damn thing off. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm having sex with all the cacophony. Sadly, no, I'm just working out.)
2. Never, ever, nerver, furry, order another extra-large pizza again. It's 30% bigger than the large, and, dammit, I live by myself. The last one took me 4 days to eat.
3. When I do eat, I'm going to eat only crunchy things. This way I'll get tired of chewing and just stop eating.
4. Buy some of that body firming lotion. My skin is fairly firm, but, hey, they say it takes an inch off your thighs.
5. Buy clothing that I will be able to wear only when I become thin, because this work for everybody. Yes, I'm laughing at you.
6. Give up my beloved Tuesday Miller High Life and convince bartender to sell me 2 lite beers for the same price.

So you've seen my fool-proof diet plan. In 2 weeks you won't even recognize me.

Oh, by the way, for all you people who took my quiz and said I wanted to do Cameron Diaz and thought "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks": I'm showing you the finger.

I may be many things, but I am not a lesbian...

...you can quote me on that....