I've never felt like I've belonged. I was the first kid on my block whose parents divorced. I've spent my entire life being shuttled back and forth between two families, splitting time so that my memories are incomplete pieces.Then in elementary school I was terrorized and bullied by one Michael Honeycutt because... I read books. Books without pictures. I've never quite gotten over Michael Honeycutt getting all the popular kids to hate me and I suffer from a debilitating self-esteem because of it. It would shock most people to know what I think of myself.
So when I got to high school, I didn't want to give Michael Honeycutt another chance. I wanted everyone to like me and I skipped from each social circle, making an appearance and giving a smile so they would approve of me. Only I skipped to too many circles: newspaper, thespian society, orchestra, and a Bible study. I spread myself too thinly and I never created a solid circle of friends. Even though I was there, I never belonged.
College was the same, but different. Keep the low self-esteem, drop the extracurriculars, add alcohol and exboyfriends, and shake. Imbibe in shot form, straight up, no chaser.
I got the results back from my biopsy. Inconclusive, if you can call that a result. We need to get another biopsy, they tell me. We can't tell if it's cancer or not.
Of course they can't tell me it's benign; I've never been a part of the majority.
3 comments:
Oooh, that is nerve wracking. So sorry you have yet another biopsy to go through.
Try to forget all about Michael Honey-butt-head. I highly doubt he could put together such wonderfully written stories and tie this one thread to another!
Just tonight I have two stitches from the biopsy chunk-er-sample they took.
We can be biopsy buddies! I held the nurse's hand too.
I had 2 biopsies of the lump in my breast - both were inconclusive. They finally just took it out, because it was getting uncomfortable anyway. It ended up being benign.
The moral of the story? Inconclusive = 'we missed'
Having been tormented endlessly from 2nd grade through the end of high school - in different schools, in different states, by nearly everyone I encountered - I can tell you that it is possible to get over it; start by believing that the people in question are truly worthless. Then go back to that homework I assigned you a million years ago. You've slacked off, haven't you? :-D
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