He mumbled it quickly and quietly but he definitely put it out there, "So I guess I'm your boyfriend."
Continuing my strife to be the most commitment-phobic and emotionally damaged person ever, I froze. A deer in headlights, I thought if I ignored it, it didn't happen.
So I guess I'm your boyfriend.
Oh. My. God.
"You're in it now," cautioned Cubicle Neighbor. "If you go out with someone else, he can get angry and say that you didn't argue with him when he put the monogamy out there."
Oh my god. What have I done?
It's not Boyfriend, it's really not. He saved me. He's my own personal hero. And he continues to amaze me every time I see him.
It's these things:
- My actions will now affect someone else. It was a hard lesson I learned with The Boy that caused anguish on both of our parts. I can't just plan my weekends with my friends and send him a text message letting him know he's invited. Apparently that makes boys very angry, even if he didn't want to spend time with you in the first place. Don't ask me why.
- As much as I am going to want to, I can't run away. When I begin to fall, I just start dating someone new on the side so I don't get attached. I think attachment is the point here. And with attachment, see below.
- This is going to hurt. George Carlin says every time you purchase a pet, you are also purchasing a small tragedy. This is true for me and relationships. Hello boyfriend. Hello sobbing, vomiting, loss of appetite, low self-esteem, and all around feeling undesirable. Also,
- Thousands of people are going to die. You laugh, but my first massive breakup was September 10th, 2001. And my horrible breakup of 2005? Katrina was two days later. You do the math.
- Did he mean it? Why did he say it? Did he think that was something I wanted to hear after a joke I made? Or does he really want to be with me? Ugh, that's such a scary thought. Why was there no conversation about it? No ground rules?
This morning I stared at my MySpace. Do I dare change it? It has stated I'm single since I set up the account.
In 2005.
I closed out my MySpace and opened up my Hotmail account. I looked at the e-mail addresses of the various men I've been out with in the past month. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I hit reply one in particular I've been avoiding-- the one I went out with the day I met Boyfriend.
Sorry I've been absent, but things have gotten serious with someone else...
I stared at "serious" until my chest began to compact into itself. I Xed out the window, e-mail unsent but anxiety multiplying. Real, physical pain over one sentence.
So I guess I'm your boyfriend.
I'm just going to have to get drunk and tell him some things about myself. Because that's another thing I'm not good at:
- Confrontation...
- Opening up...
- Trusting...
Let this prove my superstition. I never put his number back in my phone.
9 comments:
Wow, either I don't follow things well or that seems really fast?
Dude, I dated one guy for four months and ran into my cousin with him, on a date. I said, "this is my date."
Three days later he spouts, "BOYFRIEND! I AM YOUR BOYFRIEND!"
So I called him my BF until I could actually utter such words.
Try it out. You'll be okay. No one will die. The world is simply spinning the other direction on its axis (do we spin CW or CCW?).
:)
At least YOU didn't say it and he freaked out, right?
Maybe you'll start to like calling him that...or maybe you can just say to yourself that you two are dating "exclusively"...for now...
You never know!
(I like that your superstition turned out to be right!)
Don't Eat The Token- No, it's super fast. That's how I am too. I'll date people for 4-5 months and not be committed. Everyone thinks this is a good thing for me. I like him enough to find out.
Momo- For real! Ha, I don't even call him by his real name to my friends. Usually I just go by nicknames. I guess I should stop that.
haha! I always end up in the relationships where I make out with someone for an evening and on the way back to my car he says "so when do we tell everybody?" and I'm like, "Wha?" and he'll go "you know, that we're 'going out'" ... and I thought I was just making out with someone!
But then, I'm also the one who accidentally started dating someone else because my boyfriend was sick and stopped calling (although to be fair, I started dating the someone else because I made out with him and he thought he was then my boyfriend ...)
Cheer up! If I can handle pregnancy, you can handle a boyfriend!
boyfriend, huh?
could this be the end of jamie's hijinks?
tune in next week and find out...
Ah, where to begin?
First, put his number back in your phone. This is silly.
Second. About your "actions will affect someone else" - don't judge by The Boy. He played all kinda mind games.
Re: attachment, hurt, etc: pain is inevitable. Avoiding pain nearly always results in greater pain in the long run. Trust me on this one.
As far as mass destruction goes, see point #1. Also, it's nice to think you're really that powerful; OTOH, consider that the cause and effect may be reversed: That the breakups happened because the universe / planetary alignment / etc. was in a bad place, and your breakup was fallout. The disaster was the main event.
I think admiting that you can be hurt (and by that I mean even if he never lies or never cheats there could come some time when he said he'd be home by 6, but it's raining hard out, or you hear a police siren) could be the best thing...if you see any potential in the relationship beyond what's there now.
I fell for The Girl in under a month but denied that fact for far longer...it bit me on the ass (not that she didn't have her share of faults, particularly the whole "scared of commitment/opening up" issues).
And me personally, I only really hate it when I get cut out of the plans entirely. But I think there may be a slight generation gap re: text messages. I kind of wish I got less text messages from the girl and more calls, but she's 24...and this has been true of most of the women I've dated (who all pretty much fall into that age bracket). Now if you've dated guys my age or older (especially older) they would have been even further into college before Cells were widespread.
I'm happy to hear it!
congrats! I saw your Myspace bulletin and the change! Woohoo!
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