So here's the skinny

The Christmas party is this Saturday.

And I had two offers from perfectly eligible men to take me.

And I turned them both down.

Somewhere between my October freak out and the past couple of weeks, dating lost its fun. I put a lot of pressure on myself to score a date for the party, and here's the problem: you can't just take anybody when he will be introduced to the people that sign your checks every month. He can't just be a random date; he has to be someone you're dating.

All of a sudden, I found myself at the beginning stages of relationships for the wrong reasons. I have never in my life been with someone for the sake of not being alone. I think I may have been that escape for a few boyfriends, and to know that you're nothing more than a filler-- a time filler, a sex filler, an emotional filler-- is absolutely crushing to both the spirit and the self-esteem. Nothing hurts me more than to know I was never special. I have too much integrity to inflict that upon someone else.

So I have revised my plan:

James' Plan:

• Score a date to the Christmas office party.
• Get drunk and make out with a stranger on New Year's Eve.
  

I feel much better about my new plan. I am nothing if not a girl with goals.