I have suffered enough public humiliation for one weekend.
Ok, so the first one-- my bad. I really should have checked to see if the parking brake was on. And my friends falling over laughing in the middle of the street at 1 AM isn't really public humiliation.
But goodbye, Publix. I need a new grocery store since I can never show my face in my current one again.
I woke up Sunday morning and I knew something was wrong. I was feeling off. Off balance, off-kilter, off meds, just off. There is nothing more frustrating than knowing the normal person within and not being able to be it.
I was sick.
There were the aches, followed by the fever and the general all-around crappiness. I spent most of the day alternating between the couch and the bed where I watched a marathon of MTV's "Parental Control." It didn't even cross my mind to, I don't know, change the channel. MTV was on and that was what I watched.
At 4 PM I knew I had to get up and go to the store. I had absolutely no food in my kitchen and I hadn't eaten all day. Moaning and groaning, I put real clothes on and shuffled out the door.
I was very slow at it, but I managed to buy food for most of the week. At the checkout counter though, I really wasn't feeling very well. I wasn't feeling well at all. All of a sudden I got very hot. The cashier finishes ringing up my groceries.
"That'll be $16.67. Excuse me, Miss? Miss? Are you alright?"
"Meh," and I fainted.
This wasn't a raise the back of the hand to the forehead and collapse on the fainting couch kind of faint, either. This was more of a I tried to catch myself on the counter and hit my head on it while crashing into someone's cart kind of faint. You know, the unflattering kind.
When I came to a few moments later, there were a few people standing around me. The store manager was crouched above me.
"Are you okay, Ma'am?"
I began to cry; it seemed like the natural thing to do. I was lying on the floor of a grocery store with people looking at me and I just got called "Ma'am." The manager and a very cute guy in running shorts (another reason I could never go back there) helped me up. The manager called me a cab and gave me some ice for my head, but I insisted I lived less than a mile away and would be okay.
Moral of the story: when sick, order Chinese, even if you really, really, really want chowder.
Monday, October 23, 2006
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8 comments:
how the hell did we talk for almost two and a half hours last night and there was no mention of this???!! other than the humiliation factor, everything else ok??
I knew you would read about it on here, so I didn't bother. I'm fine now other than my very bruised ego.
Really hilarious! I mean, both stories really. I'm so glad that your truck is OK...whew what a relief.
But, this grocery store collapse? Priceless.
I love how you handled it: "I began to cry; it seemed like the natural thing to do."
EXACTLY what I would've done. Cried from the embarrassment and frustration of it all.
It WAS really nice that they tried to help you...
$16 for the whole week of groceries? Or was that just a random number you picked??
And, I love saying "Meh" too!!
Yes, crying in the grocery store after creating a complete scene. Yup, I can never go back there!
Even in my delerium, I'm still a cheap shopper. It included cheap frozen lunches, ramen noodles, milk, and a couple of dinners. I live alone so a dinner will last me 3 nights.
You doin' ok now? Are you working out too much? Was it because of extortion?
now that i'm over my hysterical laughter i'm composed enough to let you know when i was a teller this girl was at the counter a few tellers down. she was there and then BAM she was gone... and the sound of her hitting the floor was so fuckin loud we were all like... what?
you shoulda seen my supervisors "superman" themselves over to the girl, like serious... it was funny too, only after the ambulance came.
apparently she had had invasive surgery that morning or something and instead of the prescribed bed rest she thought it would be a better idea to run out and do her errands.
yea.
oh.my.goodness!
YES yes, thank heavens you are alright. That could have been crack-your-head-on-concrete-and-have-all-the-soup-cans-fall-on-your-head bad. (wait, that was me when I was four..)
I cry after something emotionally traumatic happens to me ... I've noticed. Falling down the stairs, having that birthmark cut off ... BIG cries.
You are so human, that is a good thing.
:)
I'm glad you are alright. That's pretty scarey (yes I know, I am a mom). Also I'm glad your truck's alright... but don't forget, in that department you do have connections.
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