Lands End

I was passing the cotton farms outside if Madison, GA, when I became scared. What was I thinking? Five days at the land's end by myself?

The house is nestled at the end of the Port Royal Sound, where the river meets the Atlantic. It is also the last house on the path before the Gullahs' property begins. Land's end couldn't be a more appropriate description.

I wondered if the seclusion that I craved not 20 minutes before would prove to be too much for me. In the city I was used to the night sky as a murky orange mist. Air pollution keeps it from getting dark at night, something I find both disturbing and comforting. But at the land's end there wouldn't be a paved road for miles, much less artificial light. Darkness becomes a pitch black that even my eyes can't adjust to. I'm not afraid to admit that I still find the darkness pretty scary at times.

I lost all radio connection to Atlanta outside of Madison in those cotton fields and I wondered if I had ever been completely isolated for five days before. Not without school or a job as a distraction.

"What are you going to do with yourself?" he asks me over dinner last week.

"I'm going to read. I love to explore the island on the golf cart, so I plan on doing that. Take the jet ski out. Do some shopping--" he nodded at all of these in agreement, "and play some dominoes. I always play dominoes at the beach."

"What? Like set them up so they fall down in patterns?"

"No. The game."

"By yourself?"

"Yup, like chess."

"You can play chess by yourself?"

"It's not unheard of."

Driving, I replayed the conversation in my head. I've never felt him judge me before-- it was one of the reasons I liked him-- but I heard the judgment in his laugh.

"I like games, okay? And it's hard to find someone willing to play," I said defensively.

I don't rely on other people for my happiness and I don't see anything wrong with going at things alone. But this vacation had me worried whether I was self-sufficient enough to entertain myself for five days.

I spent my vacation exactly how I said I would. And you know what? I wasn't lonely for one goddamned minute.

And the neighbors took me out to dinner Saturday night and played dominoes with me.