B-friends, not to be confused with B-list friends

So... I think I have a best friend.

I'm a little cautious using that word. Matter of fact all words that start with "b" and end in "friend" are not words I throw around lightly. And they're not words that typically have great endings for me.

Threatening messages, cars keyed, clothes burnt: all casualties of the b-friend.

No wonder I am wholly terrified of women.

I'm okay with calling myself my own b-friend, and not in a cheesy 4H kind of way. I'm possessive and can be pretty selfish at times, so no one treats me better than myself. No ones else will go on-line shopping for me when I'm depressed and no one else knows my secret cure all for a bad mood. So that's the way I have been operating for the past several years.

The results are far worse for the other b-friend word. Although nothing may happen personally to me, thousands of people die and the country goes into a state of emergency. I'm not speaking hyperbolically. Remember 9/11? It happened the morning after a serious break-up. Remember Katrina? The day after a serious break-up. For the health of this country, it is good that I remain single for awhile.

But the female b-friend variety--

I met her at work and fell in love with her bracelets. I asked her out to lunch and remember how awkward it was; it truly felt like a first date. After a few awkward lunches, we graduated to after work specials. Then we were going to events together and getting each other out of the house. Advice seeking soon followed. But none of these things make the b-friend.

Then there was the night I was lying in bed with the comforter tucked in around me, watching my Blockbuster on-line arrival. The phone rang. We had already spoken several times that day, but when I answered, her tone was different. She had been crying. It takes a lot for me to cry in front of someone. At the very least, it takes a lot of vodka. I had a feeling she was the same way. Through her sniffles I could feel her embarrassment. "I didn't know who else to call," she said.

I think relationships change once someone cries. Factors like vulnerability and trust enter into the friendship. Sure I would fold my arms and lean back into her, but could I cry? "I just want you to be happy," I said and I realized I truly meant it. And in the same manner of driving down that lonely highway and wondering if you really love him, I began to ponder, "Is she my b-friend?"

Yesterday she calls me during my lunch break. She had been out of town so we haven't been able to gab and eat lunch together. We sat on the phone, me in my cubicle and her in New Jersey, and we ate lunch. It was then I realized, yes, I have a best friend.