25 wasn't so bad. I think...?

Drinks consumed for my birthday outing Saturday night:

• 1 cosmopolitan, made by me in my apartment. Nasty, but v. strong. Should actually count as 2 drinks.
• 2 vodka martinis at posh martini bar.
• 1 big ass margarita in Virginia Highland (Things went downhill very quickly from here. Never add tequila to the mix unless you're on a mission. I was.)
• 1 pink panty pull-down, weak.
• 2 blow jobs, so strong they burned my throat going down.
• 1 Bud Light.
• 1 Red Snapper (?), memory gets fuzzy from here. It was a shot and it was dark.
  
• 1 more pink panty pull-down, but bartender didn't know how to make it, so it was a really an amalgamation of vodka and pineapple juice, among other things.

• 1 Natty Light, I think. I saw the cans the next morning.

The result:

• I was completely housed, or "plantationed" according to Ryan and Eric's standards.
• I crowned myself the champion for outdrinking everyone. Self-congratulations and waving may have occurred.
• The drunker I got, the more vulgar I became. Highlights include running into 2 bars and 1 gas station asking for whip cream. When they asked why, I said only, "I want a blow job." Another time included getting a round of pink panty pull-downs for free by telling the bartender I was wearing them.
• Walking became a challenge. I did my best impression of escaping alligators, zig-zag style.
• It took me about 30 seconds to actually fit the key into my door lock. Concentration was required.
• Woke up fully clothed on top of my bed at 2:47 the next afternoon. Lights were still on. Things were out of place.
• I had one of the best nights in such a long time.