Dear Mom,

Thanks for sticking that road atlas in my truck when I told you I was going to be working in Atlanta. It showed that, not only do you care about my safety, you also think I have no sense of direction. Nothing's cooler than looking at a road map in your car. Like the Club, having a road atlas open at red lights wards off drug addicts and car jackers. So thanks for thinking ahead and keeping me safe. I'm sure when my implied dumbass will get lost in a city I've been around in for 24 years, it will come in handy.

I pulled out the atlas the other day. Not because I managed to get myself turned around, but because I was bored and wanted to locate all the Atlanta parks while at a red light. I was by LaVista Park and was curious about the acreage. Yeah, that sounds good. I just needed it...for educational purposes.

Mom, I wanted to tell you that not only were you considerate enough to send me the message about my street smarts and logical thinking- all a part of your constant support of me- but you were also considerate enough to give me the best possible version of an Atlanta road atlas. I knew you took the time to select the best one when I pulled it out and the front and back covers simultaneously fell off. Just when I was about to think I had gone completely retarded for not being able to find where I was on the map, I picked up the front cover from the floorboard and checked the date.

1985.

Because Atlanta has not changed one bit since 1985. On the cover was Atlanta's tallest building- the Marriott Marquis. It doesn't matter that, since then, buildings are twice as tall. I'm sure that this has the most up-to-date information.

Like the road I was on. Did not exist in 1985. No worries, Mom. The entire section of Atlanta I was looking for did not exist in 1985, which made the atlas a big help. It's only been 21 years. I'M ONLY 3 YEARS OLDER THAN THE MAP. I bet you paid a lot for it, like you do with everything for me. I know how you prefer me over my brother. I wonder how old his road atlas is. It must be before topography was standardized into atlases because there can't be many versions before mine.

Like GA 400, Mom? You know, the city's busiest highway? Did not exist in 1985. That's how great my atlas is. So thanks Mom. I love it. I love my atlas.