More MySpace Fun

No, you didn't know me at Georgia. That's because you didn't go there. I'm hip to your lame-o tactics.

Punk.

It's time for another round of

CREEPY PEOPLE ON MYSPACE

I don't even know how to respond to this. So fly for... So fly for what?!?!? So fly for black tie?

And why is that a picture of you in bed??!?!


Atrocious spelling aside, I honestly don't know if this guy wants to give me his dog, or if that is a euphemism for sex. Something tells me it's the latter...

Don't tell Jamie-- he probably lives in Minnesota

Every morning at work I log in to my computer, check my office e-mail to moderate my blog comments, check my personal e-mail, and then my MySpace account. Every morning in that order. The people whose desks are near mine know this too. Morning talk is usually about anything interesting I may find in my inboxes: from exactly how many lonely horny housewives there can be to the time a few weeks ago where I whined in a high pitch, "It's not fair!"

A girl shouts through the cubicle, "What?"

I really truly believe that there are people in my office that I've never spoken to face-to-face, only through our cubicle walls. I shout back, "A guy just found me through my MySpace. I haven't seen him since high school and he turned into a total hottie who 'thinks a lot about the time we spent together.'"

"Well that's good. What's not fair about that?"

"His page says he lives in Minnesota." Then I mumbled under my breath, "I could never live there." I didn't think anyone heard me, but everyone did and erupted in laughter.

And now Minnesota has become the official punchline for me in the office.

All the bosses are out of town this week and I'm spending a few extra minutes going through my inboxes, hoping for something good. All those quizzes everyone's been filling out? Read them.

This morning I hear her through our cubicle barriers talking to the guy next to her, "It's quiet this morning."

Guy: "It's cause everyone is out of town."

"No, that's not it. We usually hear from Jamie about now. Jamie, are you here yet?"

"Yeah, I'm here!" Nice to know everyone looks forward to hearing about my single life like I'm a weekly television show. Or a freak side show.

"What are you doing?"

"Um, I'm looking at this picture I found. Here, I'll send it to you."

Click to enlarge.

I hear them make noises as they look at the picture.

Guy: "You know we have to do this, right?"

Another guy: "Who's going to keep the list?"

Girl: "I will!"

And so we spent the better part of the morning figuring it out. We're up to 78 out of the 100.

Like the one where the man has all the books, but his glasses break redux

I got another one yesterday after I posted:


If improper grammar were a crime, you would definitely do time.

Like the one where the man has all the books, but his glasses break

You know those movies where the world changes, but the person doesn't? (ie any Twilight Zone episode or "Big" or "Freaky Friday")

I think I'm in the midst of that.

Or someone got a whole bunch of people to play a prank on me. From multiple fronts.

I open my e-mail this morning and find this:


Hey stranger.

The only place where my e-mail and my picture is located in the same place is on my blog. But every person who e-mailed me from my blog has always announced they came from here.

BTW, I HATE people who don't take the time to spell out the words. I'm not 14 and trying to be cool. I have a degree in the very language you are defacing. How dare you.

This alone is not a big deal.

But during lunch I check my MySpace. Will and I have been placing bets all morning on "The O Cizzle" season finale. I say Sandy's going to have a heart attack and his outcome will be uncertain, but invariably he'll get better first episode of next season. Will says Marissa will die, Seth's arrest will keep him from going East and Summer will stay with him. We'll see, Will, we'll see.

Anyways, my inbox was filled with presumed spam. I open messages from 2 different boys:


Uh, hello guy-whose-profile-picture-is-a-SWIMMING-POOL.


Wow, really? That must have been some test!

Once again, not that abnormal by itself, but coupled with my hotmail e-mail and I'm beginning to wonder.

Then I open this one:


I checked her out; this isn't spam. I'm sorry, but did I just wake up in a world where I'm gorgeous? Cute? Yes, I truly believe I'm a good looking girl. Model worthy? Um, no.

Should I go buy a lottery ticket on the way home? Today just seems to be my day.

A completely true and insane story

The Lord & Taylor's by my house is going out of business and I've been in there every week getting great deals on some work clothes. So far I've gotten a $1000 wardrobe for $150. Every time I go there, the same security guard is there laughing at me. He sees me making trips to the car with giant bags and going back in for more and he sees me often.

After a 4 hour binge there yesterday, I'm getting ready to leave and he comes up to me again.

Security Guard: Do I know you from some place?
Jamie: No, I don't think so.
SC: You look really familiar.
Jamie: I get that A LOT. I think I just have a familiar face.
SC: No, I think I know you.
Jamie: Seriously, this happens all the time. People will do this for an hour with me and then say, "I know where I've seen you before- you look exactly like Jen from Dawson's Creek!"
SC: No, that's not it...
SC: ...
SC: Are you on MySpace?

I about wanted to die. Completely true story.

I'm an ASSHOLE!

So I joined Myspace, and as irritating as it is, I was able to get in contact with a lot of lost friends. And they all had something really nice to say about me. Here's a sampling:

Ian: "And even in the 'midst of a quarterlife existential crisis' you seem to pull off amazingly cute and endearing as well as, or more than, ever....You've always had the greatest smile!!""

Johanna: "This is crazy (and I swear I'm not kidding) but I was just talking the other day about something you said once that I never forgot. Remember that day in math class when you were telling me how you told some guy that his hair was so great that you could run naked through it all day? I know I'm not losing my mind! I don't know how I remember that but I do! I still think that's the best line ever!"

(I remember saying that now, but I wish I remembered that line when I was in college. Could have picked up A LOT more guys!)

Joe: "This is crazy, I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering if there was any way I could get in touch."

I'M AN ASSHOLE!!! Here are all these really nice people that think of me well and consider me their friends, and I haven't spoken to them in over 6 years! I'm a horrible person! Why didn't I keep in touch? A phone call or even an e-mail? Never in my life have I felt so guilty. What was I running away from that made me forget all of these people? When I went away to college, I never looked back on high school. I left like it was a triumph! A victory I had over the school. I didn't even realize there were good things that I left behind.

Oh, and to the guy I said I could run naked through his hair all day? I'm sorry. I know you were mortified when I said that to you. I know you're probably gay now and it's my fault...