J called me yesterday while I was at work. We went out last Sunday and it was a good date. Of course any outing where I get serenaded at a sushi bar with "The Humpty Dance" is obviously one for the books.
"I would be a lucky guy if you came to my show this Saturday," he offered.
He was trying and it won him major points, but as I hung up the phone, my mind wandered. I'm attracted to men with their own interests and their own passions. A semi-known musician, J was no different. But more often than not, I feel like I'm always cheering on their passions with fleeting reciprocation.
This writing thing: I'm good at it. The carousel post got me several e-mails. I write every day and I think about it even more. But the men that pass through my life, they don't take this part of me seriously.
Maybe it's because I am not a serious person. I think it's hard to be both goofy and intellectual. I met a guy a few weeks ago who said to me, "It's a good thing you're pretty." He repeated it as a way to justify my goofiness, but the line really irritated me. I'm smart--I'm downright brainy--but he couldn't see how I could be both.
Maybe it's because I haven't been published since I was in college, and how long can someone live off of recognition of the past? I've submitted material here and there (read: once) since college--and I made it to the final selection--but in the end I never heard back from them. I once saw a PostSecret card that read something to the effect of, "I'm creative enough to write, but I lack the talent to succeed." The postcard was a rejection letter from a publishing house, and--I swear--I checked the letter to see if my name was on it. That somehow I submitted the card unconsciously.
And how often can one really talk about writing? Whereas a new comic book comes out every week, there is no running conversation with writing. My pieces are short and are worked out in one sitting. I do it alone and without help. There is no commentary.
J wants me to go to his show. I understand why; it'll be his chance to show off.
I just wonder if I'll get my turn.
Friday, June 01, 2007
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5 comments:
why don't you work on creating a compilation piece or something like that...
but then again...
you succeed here
Careful about terms like "showing off" here...as someone who both defines himself as a writer and also a musician, let's face facts here: music, especially in rock band format, is far far far more likely to be viewed/witnessed by a large group of people. Michael Chabon's got a book in the top 10 on the NYT book list right now, but he drew less than 100 people to a free reading/signing in Buckhead last week.
Bands neither of us have heard, of questionable talent, can draw the same number of people, and often coax them out of $5 or more.
Writing and reading is more intimate (which I like about it) but it makes the praise far more difficult to get.
This seems to be the general consensus: don't hold your breath. I guess I all I was hoping for was a real genuine interest in me, rather than seeking approval in their interests.
Leave out a writing piece, either signed or not and see if he picks it up.
Jukebox loves how I write - but I don't think we'd even share or talk about it if I never read him my poetry in the first place. He doesn't enjoy reading like I do, but he enjoys the mental stimulation.
I agree though, whoever the lucky guy is should also make you feel talented and special. :)
Well, I believe i did point out the part of his profile wherein he defined a "good conversationalist" as a "good listener". <-- (period outside the quotes)
And I think you should not only write, but submit, and do so until you are either accepted, or until you are numb to the rejection letters, whichever comes first. What have you got to lose?
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