Defining

self·ish·ness 'sel-fish-ness (noun):
When my mother calls to tell me she's headed out of town because my step-grandparents are in rapidly declining health and I respond with "But did you hear what I said? I am an hour late meeting my friends because my step-mom didn't call me to tell me she no longer needed me to drop the camera off!"

in·sen·si·tiv·i·ty (")in-"sen(t)-s&-'ti-v&-tE (noun):
This has been omitted in case my employers ever find my blog, because they could very much take it the wrong way. Just trust me, it was hilarious. And offensive.

dou·ble en·ten·dre 'd&-b&l-än-'tänd(-r&) (noun):
(Playing Guitar Hero)
Jamie: I'm just not using the blue button anymore. My pinky doesn't reach.
Jef: Instead of using your pinky, just slide your hand up and down.
All: Gross.

in·ebri·a·tion "nE-brE-'A-sh&n (noun):
(Watching Casablanca)
Rick Blaine: (on screen) Here's looking at you, kid.
Bonnie: (simultaneously, toasting) Here's mud in your eye.
Jamie: (falling over giggling) Did you just say,"Here's to nutting in your eye"!?