We're currently hiring two more people to expand my department at work. One task (okay, we took it upon ourselves) is to sort through resumes to weed out any undesirables. This is a hilarious process.
First we pitched the resumes with cover letters addressed to other companies. Then we sorted through ones with improper grammar or were just plain ridiculous.
For example, "I am a professional writer in search of a new gig."
A new gig? Seriously? Is this until your kick ass band takes off and you finally score that record contract? Then you plan on living life in the back of a limo banging Czech models and doing lines of blow off the minibar?
But my favorite so far was "As an avid zymurgist..."
I didn't even have to read the rest of that sentence. He couldn't make it to the fourth word of his cover letter before mentioning alcohol.
"There's a difference between BSing and laying it on so thick that you can't shake it off," says Niki as she tosses the letter onto the "no" pile.
I pick up another resume. "This person was a Communications major. That's code for 'I drank my way through college,'" I scoff.
"Oh, that's the zymurgist's resume," Niki laughs and places it into the "no" pile with the cover letter.
Point made.
5 comments:
Dammit! I guess I'm not moving down south anytime soon. If you need me, I'll be brewing a Rye Stout in my Mom's basement.
Excellent elimination work!
I have to go look up that z-word.
I cringe to think what people have thought of my cover letters past.
Chuckie- Awesome. Let me know if brewing beer brings in the big paycheck. :)
DET- It typically means a beer brewer, but the translation is one who does the fermentation process.
I wrote my cover letter while I had a fever. I can only imagine why they called me for an interview. Must not have received any other applications that day or something.
I thought the zymurgist showed potential.
Ah, a fellow communications major?
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