Tequila Mockingbird

Geoff reached into his wallet and handed me a five dollar bill. "This is for gas money and to thank you for agreeing to pick me up when my shift is over at 2 am," he explained. I took the bill, folded it half, and stuck it in the cup holder in my truck. I've never been one to turn down gas money.

"Thanks."

"So what are you going to do tonight while I'm at work?"

"I don't know yet, I'll find something."

Geoff unbuckled the seat belt and got out of my truck. "Thanks again," he said. "And don't forget, I get done at 2." He slammed the truck door shut and walked into the telemarketing building where we both worked part time.

I knew exactly what I was going to do; I just didn't want to tell Geoff. And now I had five dollars to do it with. I drove back to Geoff's house, parked my truck, and walked directly to Compadre's. Compadre's was an overpriced Tex-Mex restaurant in an old department store downtown. I liked going there at night because their bar was open and they had free pool for anyone with an open bar tab. I had been going there a lot recently with different friends and I knew the bartender well enough that I could sit and talk to her.

That night was a special night at Compadre's. Melissa, my bartender friend, told me to make sure I come by that night. I walked through the restaurant into the back where the bar is tucked away. The normally empty place was full. I grabbed the last remaining barstool and sat down. The guy sitting next to me had his head on the bar, on the verge of passing out.

Melissa came over and placed a napkin down in front of me. "What's up?" I asked.

She reached under the bar and lifted up a gallon-sized plastic bottle and swished it around. "Quarter tequila night!"

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yup."

I examined the plastic bottle. "What kind of tequila is that?"

She turned the label around and read, "Captain America."

I have never heard of Captain America tequila before, but I was all for quarter tequila night. I took Geoff's five dollar bill and put it on the bar. Melissa smiled, "Keep it open?"

"You know it."

The guy next to me, with his own five dollar tab, lifted his head off the bar and shook it in an effort to regain consciousness. Melissa poured 4 shots of the clear liquid and left one in front of the boys on either side of me and one for herself. "Cheers!" She said.

The boys began the ritual of the salt and lime while I just took the shot straight. I put my glass down upside down and looked around the bar: it was all boys, punctuated by a handful of girls.

I never made it through my five dollars; I never expected to. I don't even know how far I made it, but the guy next to me had his head back down on the bar, fully passed out. Melissa kept watch of the time for me. "It's 1:45," she said. "You better go get your friend."

I got off my barstool for the first time since I sat down almost three and a half hours ago. I didn't think I was that drunk, but by the time I made it to the front door, the world was spinning. There was no way I was going to be able to pick up Geoff.

It's 2:05 AM and I ring the after hours bell at work. Geoff met me at the door.

"Shh, I'm drunk," I whispered.

"I can smell the booze on you."

We walked outside. Geoff stops and looks around.

"Where's your truck?"

"It's at your house."

"But you were supposed to pick me up!"

"I'm here!"

"Well, how did you get here?"

"I hitchhiked."

Geoff puts his head in his hands and groans.

It's a manageable walk to Geoff's house from work, but it's a pain. It's basically 2 miles uphill. I headed in direction of the road and Geoff headed in the direction of the school.

"School's faster than the road," he protested.

"I don't walk through North Campus at night."

"Why?"

"Because my freshman year a homeless man came out of a bush and started hassling us for money while we were trying to get back to our dorms. He scared us. That's where the homeless sleep at night and I don't want to go through there."

"Don't be a baby."

And so we walked through school. As we approached North Campus I became more and more apprehensive. I clung to Geoff, partly out of fear and partly because I continued to feel the effects of my quarter tequila night worsen with each step.

The bars had emptied out by this time and we groups of people were walking through North Campus. The globe lights lit the area, but I was still scared. I was so drunk from Captain America tequila that I felt delirious. I saw a group of guys approaching. I envisioned them harassing me and I lost it:

"I'm not giving you my money! Stay away from me and tell your friends!" I shouted. "Go back to your trees and bushes!"

"Jamie. Shut. Up." Geoff hissed and I broke out into uncontrollable giggles.

I open my eyes. It's pitch black. I can't see a thing, but I know these walls aren't my walls. "Huh? What happened?" I started to freak out. "WHERE AM I?"

"Shh. You're in my bed," Geoff mumbled.

"What happened?"

"You went to quarter tequila night and sang the theme song to Captain America the whole walk home."

"Oh."

"You only knew the tune, so you made the words up."

Parts of the night hit me. I sat up in bed. "Wait! The homeless men!"

"Yeah, those people weren't homeless. They were frat guys. You were screaming at people in North Face jackets."