The worst part is when I try to fit in. I wear the Ralph Lauren khakis and sweater set, flash the smile, and follow the proper etiquette. Then it comes- why is my hair blond? Why isn't it my natural color? Am I still looking for a proper job or have I become the retail clerk of the family? I get taller every holiday and why am I not married yet?
It makes me want to rebel against my family and give them everything that they talk about behind my back. It makes me want to show up for Christmas wearing that butterfly beaded backless shirt and a leather skirt (which almost fit again.) That way, I can control what they are saying about me.
With that, I give you this year's Thanksgiving criticisms:
- Ladies do not say "butt," they say "heinie."
- "Kick-ass" is not a good description of the cracker and cheese platter.
- "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God," is not an appropriate Thanksgiving prayer.
- It also not appropriate to teach this prayer to my 6 nieces and nephews.
- When I pulled the Scrabble tile C, being thankful for "My bartender, Charlie" was not a sincere gesture.
- It is frowned upon having just alcohol at my place setting. Apparently, I should have a water glass too to keep up with the appearance of my sobriety.
- It is, however, decent for one of my brothers to say, "So you're where all the beer went."
3 comments:
I think they do that to everyone. When I finally got a steady boyfriend and got married, now all they really have on me is "when are you gonna get a better job?" and "When are you gonna have children?"
Oh yeah. It never stops. "When are you going to graduate from school?" turned into "When are you going to get a job?" turned into "When are you going to get married?" and then it will be "When are you going to have kids?"
I was naive enough to think that it would stop after "When are you going to gradtuate from school?"
This is why I avoid family functions and always hope that we get a nice Minnesota snowstorm the night before the event! At some point, you really think you're going to crack and start saying stuff back to them about "when are you finally going to lose all that weight from your last pregnancy?" "when are you finally going to admit to your husband that he's been sexually unsatisfactory for the last 20 years?"
This is why it's probably best that I avoid these things.
My sympathies go out to you!
Post a Comment