Our heroes, Craig and Jamie, are sitting in a booth of an all-you-can-eat pizza parlor, eating stacks of cheap pizza.

Jamie: Do you think Superman is a virgin?
Craig: He does have Super morals...
Jamie: He doesn't strike me as a "blow job" man.
(pause)
Jamie: However, I could see, "There was this one girl in high school and it was prom night and I'm not sure if we had sex, but we might have."
Craig: The girls couldn't handle him. "Faster than a speeding bullet," remember?
(pause)
Jamie: I'm perplexed.
Craig: You're just wondering what it's like to give Superman a blow job.

An episode of The Simpsons I caught tonight

Homer: I might have been cheap on Lisa's education, but when it comes to college, Lisa is going to get the best school...in South Carolina.
Lisa: [screaming] I don't want to be a Game Cock!

Well done, Lisa, well done...

Everything's bigger in Texas

Matt spent the week in Dallas this week and he was thoughtful enough to ask me what I wanted him to bring home for me.

This is how I responded:

"Oh gee. You know those Budweiser bottles they make in Texas and how they have special labels? Could you bring me a beer bottle so I can see one?"

About 10 minutes after I got off the phone, I realized that I found the Genie's lamp and wasted my wish on a beer bottle. Not even a full one I could drink to ease the pain of my stupidity.

My roommate chided me, "You really blew that one."

I wanted to call him back and holler, "Baby, bring me back some of that Texas gold!" but the beer bottle looks nice on my bookshelf.