Monday, November 01, 2010

Dance Party

While the rest of the crew was inside the Jacksonville stadium, Bonnie and Will stayed behind to watch the UGA/FL game with me at the tailgate. It had been the day of days: the weather was warm and sunny, friends from both past and present co-mingled seamlessly and there was an endless supply of shade, food and beverage. It was the kind of day that fades around the edges like an old photograph. The details have been creased but the general feeling lasts forever.

We lost. Will dug his toe in the ground and drug it in the dirt. Bonnie leaned her head against the back of her Georgia camping chair. The sun had set and we pulled the tent down in darkness. It appears the only thing we forgot was light. No one had made it back from the stadium yet, and we already emulated their attitudes. We had seen our team lose in overtime on a flat screen set up in the back of a 4Runner; it's another thing to witness a loss in person.

I turned the TV off. "You know what we need?" I called back to Bonnie, "A dance party." The iPod with the party mix that had worked so well before the game was turned back on. Coincidentally, Taio Cruz's "Break Your Heart" began. Our hearts were broken, but our spirit was not crushed.

Bonnie jumped up from the chair and began singing and dancing. It was our ode to the Bulldog Nation: "If you fall for me, I'm only gonna tear you apart/ Told you from the start/ I'm going to break break your break break your heart." I grabbed my cup of hunch punch and took a long swig. And then I danced. I couldn't remember the last time I truly, uninhibitedly danced.

Song after song our boots pounded the sandy dirt as we bounced and swayed and flung our arms to the sky. We danced because we were sad, as if it was the most natural thing to do.

People began filing in from the game; most were pleased to see a couple of girls in red and black singing and laughing. Our friends quietly settled in the empty camping chairs with no movement towards anything but sleep. The dance party had ended.

But not in my heart.
Thursday, June 03, 2010

Ode to Blockbuster

This morning I shoved my very last Blockbuster rental through the metal slot and drove to work. Then I sat down at my desk and cancelled my online subscription that I've had since I lived in Athens in 2004. OMG, I've had that plan for 6 years!

They've been making money off of me for the past 6 months. It would take me a week after receiving the movie to finally sitting down and forcing myself to watch it. Sometime ago I was in a 1960's French musical phase and every disc I've been getting in the mail recently has induced a WTF response, because clearly 1960's French musicals HAS to be a transient pastime.

So goodbye Blockbuster, it's now cable and Redbox for me.
Thursday, May 13, 2010

28 Things I Learned at 28

28. Only buy clothes when they feel good and get rid of them when they stop.

27. It's well worth it to spend money on a personal trainer and/or a therapist.

26. How to knit on double-pointed needles.

25. Every one's time will come.

24. Color makes me happy. Bright, bold colors.

23. I have a pretty awesome sister-in-law.

22. Ending a bad relationship is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

21. Coleslaw doesn't taste that bad.

20. You don't miss most of the things that you thought you couldn't live without,

19. The mind is capable of controlling the body in unexpected ways.

18. A whole new career.

17. Expensive candles have bolder and longer-lasting aromas than cheap candles.

16. The mean girls exist at any age.

15. Just because you are a good rollerskater at 15 doesn't make you a good one at 28.

14. It's easier to climb a mountain (or just Amicolola Falls) with friends.

13. Everyone has skeletons in their closets.

12. My first impressions are wrong most of the time.

11. That hair that clogged the drain? That's all mine!

10. How to back a truck with a trailer down a boat ramp.

9. Try to appreciate people for who they are what they offer instead of who they could/should be. (This one is hard.)

8. I quote children's books more than the average bear.

7. How to set boundaries.

6. Downer Wrinkle Releaser is the greatest product ever!

5. My natural hair color isn't as bad as I remembered it to be.

4. Dogs are even cooler than I imagined.

3. If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, then it's a rat. (I learned this lesson twice!)

2. My favorite wine

1. How to smile again.
Friday, April 23, 2010

Tears of a Different Nature

Yesterday was not a good day. Less than two weeks home from my trip to visit my grandmother (and gave her not only a hat, but also a prayer shawl), she fell and broke her hip. And this is less than a month after having and beating pneumonia. My mother says we are a family of fighters (and, might I add, a family of close calls).

So my grandmother is having surgery and my mother is driving up to be with her... and my birthday is tomorrow. I spent yesterday crying at my desk over all the stress I've been experiencing with a bit of pity party on the side. I ended up taking a 2-hour lunch to compose myself. When I returned to my desk, my coworkers said they knew I was sad and lonely and pushed a cup of ice cream towards me.

***
I didn't get up early this morning. I slept through my alarm with enough time to shower, but not to dry the hair. I looked in the rear-view mirror before I stepped out of the car and noticed the blond bits curling (read: frizzing) while the brown bits hung uselessly. I smoothed my hair down and strolled inside.

I was wondering why everyone was standing in the open space of the office. Then I took a few more steps and saw my desk:


They knew I was upset about my canceled plans with my mother for my birthday and took the time to make my (pre)birthday feel special. They sang happy birthday to me while I cried for the second day in a row. But these were tears of a different nature.

My boss, who was out of town at a conference, called in to speak with me. "You are loved," she said.

She is right. I am loved.
Friday, February 05, 2010

Close-Knit

I'm knitting my grandmother a hat. I picked knitting back up a few years ago and I have knitted something for all of my family members except my grandmother. I tell myself it's because my grandmother lives out of town.

That hat I'm knitting is a chemo hat. The yarn is softened so it will not irritate the skin after the cancer patient loses her hair. She's 89 and starting her first round of chemotherapy today in Raleigh.

I'm using size 6 double-pointed needles to make the hat. My knitting style is too tight for me to use circular needles. Size 6 means that the yarn is finer and the stitches will be smaller. This translates to more stitches per inch and more time required to complete the hat.

I wonder if I should have used thicker yarn so she'll get it in time.

I'm not having a great time knitting this hat. I love knitting because it quietens my mind, but this time my thoughts circle What if I don't finish it in time? What am I going to do with this hat when it's use is no longer needed? Should I wear it? Reuse the yarn? Sell it? Give it away? Will my grandmother like it? Will she even wear it?

A prayer shawl gets its name not from the wearer, but from the knitter. It's the knitter who prays for the recipient while she knits the shawl and then blesses it upon completion. To receive one is a special thing.

As I'm knitting up the hat, I try to think positive thoughts in the same spirit of the prayer shawl. But with the tink of the needles, I'm hearing two words repeating themselves over and over again: Death hat, death hat, death hat.

I just wish I made her something sooner because I am so not prepared for this.
Thursday, February 04, 2010

Groomed!

Today a girl at work came up to me and invited me for dinner. She said she was looking to make new friends and that I seemed like a sweet girl. I am!

Someone wants to be friends with me. I feel so validated. I've spent my entire life trying to be friends with other people, and now someone is grooming a relationship with me.

The Girl Date is next Wednesday. Two fist pumps!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010

And.... SPLAT!

I spoke too soon.
 

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