Maybe, but I'm neither...

I can't remember what they're called...

Bitch Bags?
Slut Sacks?

You know, the bag containing a change of clothes that some girls carry around with them, because they never know when they're going to spend the night out.

Yeah, I have 2 now.

1 with a pair of khakis for work.

1 with jeans and a couple of shirts for after work.

Call it what you will, but I live too far away from work to just pop home and change. If I go out after work, I just might stay the night because chances are that I'm drinking. Additionally, the past couple of Sundays I never made it home from the weekend either. Last week, I just stopped at a store and bought new clothes to wear to work yesterday.

It's a temporary situation until I move. I swear...

I can't concentrate on work this morning. I'm still completely dazed over my weekend. I haven't slept in my own bed since Thursday, I haven't slept more than 5 hours, and I traveled over 500 miles and never left the state. I'll try and post some stories later, but for now I can't stop this mixture of sheer exhaustion and daydreams.

Explanation

You think I'm crazy for this diet I'm on.

However, I'm so close to my goal I can taste it.

I work in Buckhead, for those of you outside of Atlanta-- it's arguably the richest subcity. Everyone walks around looking so damn hot that I feel like I need to keep up with the competition. I lost a lot of weight before I started my job through cutting out fast food and getting on the treadmill, but I'm not athletic looking like everyone else. I want to be the same size I was when I was 21. I have only one more pant size to go.

I've plateaued with my weight loss and the hardest part is losing the last couple of pounds, that's why I've had to step up my routine. I'm consuming about 800 calories a day, taking diet supplements, getting on the treadmill, and I just joined a yoga class. This should help me reach my goal and then some.

I feel fine, I really do.

Here's the kicker. I don't think anyone has noticed. No one has said anything to me about it. I see a huge difference: I forgot how much I hated my hips. There's no fat on them anymore- they'll never get smaller than they are now. I will never be a size 2, my bones just won't allow it. There goes my dancing/ modeling career!

Can't stop shaking

The coffee pot marked "decaf" at work is clearly mislabeled.

Between my diet pills, nervous energy, and 3 cups of "decaf" coffee, I'm about to explode.

That or start running laps around the building. Which would prove difficult in my stiletto heels. I would also look like a lunatic to the people driving by on their way to lunch.

I also can't stop laughing every time I encounter the term "butt joint" in my reading today. This may or may not be related to my caffeine overdose.

Jenny Craig is a fat bitch

The "heart attack" diet seems to be working. I've lost another 3 pounds. Turns out my stomach can't handle the syrup in Red Bull when there aren't any solid foods in there, so I've had to drop that.

I hear many times a week that I'm beautiful, I just don't believe it anymore. Hopefully dropping these last 10 pounds will change my thinking.

This is what happens when you buy Slim Fast from a shady gas station on your way to work

Every time I'd drink a Slim Fast, I'd get severe stomach cramps. You know, the ones that have you laying on the bathroom tile, crying a little. It took me a couple of days to think, 'Hey, maybe something is wrong with the Slim Fast.'

I turned the can over and checked the expiration date.

It was July of 2003.

That was 2 and 1/2 years ago.

It's amazing I'm still alive.

How to have a heart attack in 10 days or less!

Of the last 4 guys I've been out with, 3 of them were not just slim, but had athletic bodies. I usually go for the more "solid" type of body because I've always felt more protected that way. I've never dated anyone with an athletic body before and I have to admit it's kind of sexy.

Except for one crucial element.

I do not have an athletic body.

I'm not overweight; I don't have fat. I'm average: I'm neither skinny nor heavy. I have one more pant size to lose and I'm going to have to do it quickly if my hips continue to be larger than my counterpart's. Because nothing will make you feel bad about yourself than actually being bigger than a boy. The worst part is that it's the last few pounds that are the most difficult to lose. The universe hates you like that.

That's why I'm going to have to up my dieting. I'm already watching what I eat and getting on the treadmill, but it's not enough anymore. This morning I stopped at the store on my way to work and purchased Slim Fast, diet pills, Red Bull, and ginseng. I will lose these last 10 pounds! If my heart doesn't explode first!