I just realized that the dream I posted earlier came true.... well except for the cross-dressing thing. For my birthday the Wild Wing crew and I went to the sushi place downtown for dinner. Sushi... seafood... see the connection? The star of my dreams also came, although he was very nicely dressed, no red dress or pearls in sight. We ordered more food then I've ever seen before and it was surprisingly just imitative of my dream. Geoff even footed my part of the bill--thanks Baby!

I believed in high school that I had premonition dreams, maybe they are returning... cool...

I had no idea that couph syrup was such an aphrodisiac...

...Rodney Dangerfield and pickpockets can kiss my ass...

...wouldn't be the first time this weekend.

A night out with Big B and the Texas T

I went with my favorite North Carolina resident, Big B and the Texas T, to AEPi's frat party Saturday night. Several occurrences worth noting transpired:

• I saw people snort Ritalin for the first time in my life.
• I was sitting on the porch swing with Brad and we were talking. All of a sudden this 18-year-old boy sags onto the swing, partially on top of me. I scoot over, ignoring him, and Brad and I continued our conversation. He and I were softly rocking back and forth until this boy dug his feet into the ground and stopped the swing. Boy, he did not look good. I try to continue to ignore him but I notice he is now hanging his head off the side of the swing- kind of dangling between the chains suspending the bench. Brad continues chatting but now I am totally distracted, waiting for the moment for this guy to puke. And, by God, if he pukes on me I will slug the sonofabitch. Brad sees my distance and inquires what is wrong. I tell him about the boy and, at the exact moment I finished the story, the little guy just starts hurling off the swing. I about climbed in Brad's lap.
  So this is what Brad does: he gets up, tells me he is going to alert someone to clean up the puke, and leaves me with this sick boy next to me. All of a sudden fraternity men approach me and inform me on how to take care of my man. I told each and every one of them that I have never seen him before in my life and I'm not about to start babysitting him now.
  Brad eventually reappears and pulls me off the swing and whisks me away into the safety of the fraternity house.
• But, as it turns out, the house wasn't that safe. It was dirty. And while I was walking down the dark stairwell, I slipped on an empty jug of vodka and proceeded to slip down the last few steps. As I crashed into the wall, I screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Everyone stopped and turned around and stared. The music was probably cut off. Only then did I remember that AEPi is a Jewish frat...

...but, man, it was the wildest frat party I have ever attended...

I AM NOT KIDDING YOU, THIS IS WHAT MY PARENTS GAVE ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY:

1. 12 rolls of toilet paper
2. 20.25 lbs of dog food
3. 500 napkins
4. 3 boxes of Capri Sun (I hate Capri Sun)

I cried the whole drive home.

Things I heard my FATHER say yesterday--

"He's got more chins than a Chinese phone book."

"Cut the grass? Hell, I smoke it..."

(said to his step-daughter) "Make sure you wear that necklace tonight. All women should go to bed wearing a pearl necklace."

I don't like expensive beers; I'm a cheap beer kind of guy. What I've done is taken this beer, watered it down, and poured it in a wine glass. I'm passing it off as wine..."

My bit of philosophy for the day:

For me, college has been about binging. Whether it be alcohol, home-made cooking, or boys and sex, all quantities must be consumed in alarmingly high levels that normal people could not intake. For example, at my sister's wedding on Saturday, I ate so much food that I could not stand up without my stomach physically hurting. Then, promptly after leaving my family, (ok a little bit before) I drank most of the beer supply. Now there are two questions left:

1. Am I a purger?

A lil' bit, yes. If you've ever been drinking fast quantities of strong liquor with me, then you know that my body will "reject" shots. My New York friend calls it the randa-boot. I am so glad someone else does this, much less named it.

2. In my examples, I mentioned binging on food, alcohol, and sex. Am I partaking in all 3 tonight?

My friend once spoke of a "Beer, Sex, Beer" party, where you're guaranteed 2 out of the 3. Same here.

The sex dreams have ceased; I can finally look at him in the eyes again. I am partially sad because they left just as unexpectedly as they came. Besides, they were fun. I'm reminded of what Rodney Dangerfield once said, "If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all." The dreams were my pickpockets.

I'd bang my head against the wall if I had one.

(A wall, I haven't lost my head just yet...)