Last night Craig and I found ourselves in a moment where neither of us were rushing off to do something. We were both home for the night before 9 PM- a first time occurrence since we moved in together.

Drew randomly phoned and, for once, he wasn't drunk and trying to get us to go over to his house and "bring the bevys." He actually called to tell me to go look at the moon.
Craig and I tried to spy the moon from our balcony, but a giant tree blocked it out from us. So we did what any normal person would do and grabbed a cooler of tallboys and brought our chairs and set up camp in the handicap parking space in front of our building and watched the lunar eclipse.

We talked about his relationships, my relationships, the fact he's going to be a box of wine for Halloween- all and all it was good beer, good company, and good conversation.

Man, watching a lunar eclipse is a bit like watching grass grow.

But it was a beautiful night and I'm glad I have beautiful people in my life to share moments like these with.

ANOTHER GENUINELY INSENSITIVE REMARK

Remember Scott Peterson? The guy who murdered his wife and unborn baby and dumped them in the bay?

Yeah, he's hot.

Still guilty and should go to the electric chair, but hot.

IN OTHER NEWS

Chaney said that the war in Iraq is "a success story."

Sure.

We successfully found no nuclear weapons.
We successfully bred a new wave of terrorists.
And we successfully turned the other nations against us.

I hope everyone else's weekend was as wonderful as mine was.

MY BOSS #2

(Recently at work, we have been assigning nicknames to the used vehicles on the lot. We typically (and unorginally) use the color or brand with an adjective. For example a Dodge Ram we had was fondly referred to as The Blue Goose. I was sent to Toyota to trade used vehicles and I brought back a Ford Expedition. When people asked me what I brought back to our store, I said The Blue Behemoth.)

Vic: Jamie, come here.
Jamie: What's up, Vic?
Vic: (angrily) Ford sells over 20,000 Expeditions a year. We own that one for $1,000 less than what it is worth. This is the vehicle that you want to put people in when they are up-side down on their trade. Besides, it seats 7 people.
Jamie: 9 people.
Vic: Whatever.
Jamie: Vic, I didn't say anything about the vehicle, why are you so upset?
Vic: I heard you call it "behemoth" 3 times now.
Jamie: (stifled laughter) Vic, "behemoth" means large.
Vic: I thought it meant average.
Jamie: No, it means large.
Vic: We all know it's big, Jamie.

TRUE STORY

A woman pulls up to our service department in her Optima (mid-size sedan.) Our service manager greets her and notices some damage on the hood of the vehicle. She gets out of her car and proceeds to tell our service manager that she is getting sued because she hit a couple of children with her car. He looked at the hood and saw that the chalk lines outlining the children around the damage on the hood. She said, with a straight face, that she wanted Kia to pay for it because her horn didn't work... and that's why the children got hit.

As sad as the picture is of children laying in the road, screaming from broken bones because of this woman, I laughed so hard I cried.

The first question that comes to mind is how she managed to hit multiple people?
Next, why did she not remove the chalk outline of small bodies from her hood?
Then, since when did the horn disable the brakes or lock the steering column?
Finally, exactly how long ago did she lose her mind?

New shoes, new haircut, and new hair color. La la la, I feel better! AND someone said my ass looked good today. Gonna have me a martini and celebrate.

I've been in a funk the last week and I think I've had a good run of it. The first round of firings occurred today at work and, thankfully, I avoided the gunfire...and the unemployment line. But my blindfold isn't off yet, I bought myself about 2 more weeks until the next round- a month at the max. Anyone wanting to hire an English major? I didn't think so...

I think I might have a knack for this writing thing: anyone wanting to hire a slightly depressed writer? Shocker...

I learned a lot in my fantastic mope. Having my mind cloudy with thoughts, and not wanting to talk about them, left me silent. Needless to say, I did A LOT of listening: it's amazing, I think most people just want to be heard. At one point last week, I found myself on my living room couch watching "Sex and the City" with my neighbor (I refuse to use the word "friend" anymore, and if you know who I'm talking about, you understand). I was watching the show and daydreaming and she kept bringing up her multifarious problems. I quit responding and she kept talking- I couldn't believe it. It was like she didn't even care IF I responded; she just wanted to talk about herself.

After this realization, I noticed that it wasn't just her- everyone just loves to talk about themselves and I wondered if there really is someone at the other end of the cellphone. People ask about the other person without caring about the answer, anxious to return to their problems.

Man. There are a lot of problems out there.

I heard about unemployment, DUIs, moving back in with the parents, classes, girlfriends, fiances, wives, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, sex, alcoholism, money, work, bosses, small penises...

My head hurts.

I'm getting drunk and going to bed.