Fervor Over Fortune

Final Product

2011-11-20T22:59:00.002-05:00

Sketched by Jayne. Painted by Jamie.

Stop.

2011-11-16T22:10:00.005-05:00

The rain had stopped. The light at the intersection below me was red. The leaves had abandoned their branches. For a brief moment, the only sound in the city was the rhythmic clicking of Nikita's nails as she gaily cantered down the sidewalk. And it was beautiful.

First World Problems

2011-09-29T11:32:00.005-04:00

Me, on phone to my mother: Hey mom, I found this album art that I think would make a cool painting for my bedroom. If I come over and visit this weekend, do you think you could sketch it on the canvas for me?My mother: I don't know how you lost your confidence with drawing. I always thought you were so good at it when you were younger.Me: MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE MY ART TEACHER, YOU

true story.

2011-09-09T12:10:00.005-04:00

Me, on phone to my mother: So Royal Bank of Canada pulled my credit to see if it could do better with my car loan, and it is able to cut my interest rate in half, saving me $80 a month. And by the way, she said I have a 780 FICO. Perfect credit is 800. Just so you know, I'm awesome.My mother: (Stilted) That's great, Jamie.Me: IS THIS LIKE THE TIME I BROUGHT HOME MY REPORT CARD AND I GOT A 94 AND

She Being Brand New

2011-08-09T16:02:00.002-04:00

It had been a long weekend: three days of music from Athfest and three days of wearing a neon yellow plastic bracelet on my wrist. When I bought my ticket, I asked the guy to put it on tightly because I can't stand movement on my forearm, and now it was stuck there until I found a pair of scissors. More important than scissors though, what I wanted was a beer. I meandered into my usual bar of

Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate

2011-08-08T12:33:00.001-04:00

You know who looks like this during bootcamp? NOBODY. Oh hey, Girl with Makeup on who Is neither Sweating nor Crying, that push-up looks easy, doesn't it? Scott once described my face during bootcamp as one that was "drained of all hope." I'd like to see that worked into the new advertising campaign.

Psycho killer, fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa

2011-08-03T16:32:00.002-04:00

The maintenance man in my building loves to scare the shit out of me. Take, for instance, this morning:Elevator door opens, the dog and I enter. Inside is Maintenance Man. Maintenance Man reaches hand down for Nikita to sniff, then pats her on the head. He turns and looks at me."So she just likes to eat from her bowl and go sit under the bed?""..."Uh, that's exactly what she does. How does Super

Dogs Versus Cats

2011-01-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

I have a small scar under my left eye. I got it Christmas Eve in the year of our Lord 2004 when I was at my then-boyfriend's parent's house. Nikita, a young dog then, was also with me. She had never seen a cat before and she was obsessed with the smaller four-legged and furry house pet.Matt stood in the door jamb holding the cat protectively, more for the cat's comfort than from the likes of

Dance Party

2010-11-01T14:44:00.002-04:00

While the rest of the crew was inside the Jacksonville stadium, Bonnie and Will stayed behind to watch the UGA/FL game with me at the tailgate. It had been the day of days: the weather was warm and sunny, friends from both past and present co-mingled seamlessly and there was an endless supply of shade, food and beverage. It was the kind of day that fades around the edges like an old photograph.

Ode to Blockbuster

2010-06-03T11:41:00.001-04:00

This morning I shoved my very last Blockbuster rental through the metal slot and drove to work. Then I sat down at my desk and cancelled my online subscription that I've had since I lived in Athens in 2004. OMG, I've had that plan for 6 years!They've been making money off of me for the past 6 months. It would take me a week after receiving the movie to finally sitting down and forcing myself to

28 Things I Learned at 28

2010-05-13T15:47:00.002-04:00

28. Only buy clothes when they feel good and get rid of them when they stop.27. It's well worth it to spend money on a personal trainer and/or a therapist.26. How to knit on double-pointed needles.25. Every one's time will come.24. Color makes me happy. Bright, bold colors.23. I have a pretty awesome sister-in-law.22. Ending a bad relationship is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.21

Tears of a Different Nature

2010-04-23T15:47:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was not a good day. Less than two weeks home from my trip to visit my grandmother (and gave her not only a hat, but also a prayer shawl), she fell and broke her hip. And this is less than a month after having and beating pneumonia. My mother says we are a family of fighters (and, might I add, a family of close calls).So my grandmother is having surgery and my mother is driving up to be

Close-Knit

2010-02-05T11:13:00.000-05:00

I'm knitting my grandmother a hat. I picked knitting back up a few years ago and I have knitted something for all of my family members except my grandmother. I tell myself it's because my grandmother lives out of town.That hat I'm knitting is a chemo hat. The yarn is softened so it will not irritate the skin after the cancer patient loses her hair. She's 89 and starting her first round of

Groomed!

2010-02-04T13:55:00.001-05:00

Today a girl at work came up to me and invited me for dinner. She said she was looking to make new friends and that I seemed like a sweet girl. I am! Someone wants to be friends with me. I feel so validated. I've spent my entire life trying to be friends with other people, and now someone is grooming a relationship with me. The Girl Date is next Wednesday. Two fist pumps!

And.... SPLAT!

2010-01-19T16:02:00.001-05:00

I spoke too soon.

The street lights were a bit of a bitch though

2010-01-18T13:11:00.000-05:00

Last night I slept with my blinds and curtains drawn for the first time since I moved out of my old apartment. I climbed into bed after turning on a Grey's Anatomy DVD, slipped between the sheets and saw the Bank of America building for the first time from my bedroom window. I realized I had never seen the view from my bedroom window before. It's been a long time since I felt safe.

48

2009-11-13T14:42:00.000-05:00

I had a very frustrating 48 hours this week. The body shop repairing the sexy crowbar skid marks left on my car from being broken into on Halloween was not up to my customer service standards. The whole mess snowballed into me yelling at a 70-year-old in coke-bottle glasses, stealing my car from the body shop, driving home on a leaky tire and ending my day wailing on the floor of my apartment two

Grooming

2009-10-26T12:17:00.001-04:00

I've been a bit more socially responsible over the past year. I'm starting to do things like R.S.V.P. to invitations. I'll send out handwritten Thank You notes. I bought my sister-in-law of 8 years a birthday present. I suspect I'll buy her another birthday present this year.Here are the results of my socially sowing:Brother nor sister-in-law bought me a birthday present. Cards sent did not

The Comfort of Myself

2009-10-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

Hi.So you're not here, and that's okay. My blog that was once so manicured and loved is now ingrown. Not sure of that analogy, but I'm going with it. I met a girl this year and she kept inserting the fact she had a blog into her conversation. She would talk about her commentors as if they were real people in the room with us. I rolled my eyes and inwardly sighed that that was so 2005. And then I

Cheek awashed in germs

2009-10-12T17:18:00.000-04:00

There were days in a stronger economy that, when my morning went badly enough, I would take a mental-health sick day and just stay in bed where I belonged.This morning was one of those mornings. I woke up late. I chipped my mother's hand-me-down 20-year-old cookie jar giving the dog a biscuit. My low tire-pressure alarm beeped in the car, and I nailed a curb dropping the boyfriend home at his

Un-done

2009-10-09T12:10:00.000-04:00

I want to do more. I currently have four unfinished knitting projects. Five, if you count the one that is stowed at my mother's, of which I have no intention on picking back up. I have two sewing projects pinned and just waiting for the sewing machine. This does not include the projects that the materials are bought, but haven't even been started yet. I have a basket of beads from a broken

Pay to Play

2009-08-28T23:34:00.002-04:00

My mother was not happy I bought a lottery ticket tonight."Why did you buy that?" she asked as I waved the ticket in front of her."Uh, 333 million dollars," I scoffed."Do you really think you're going to win 333 million dollars?" she mocked back."No, Mom," I explained. "It's not about the money. It's about having the possibility. Having the fantasy. Having the dream. Without the ticket, there is

Although not quite as funny this time around

2009-08-24T15:05:00.001-04:00

I've often wondered when did things go wrong. The exact moment life went from good to bad. When I should have initially changed my circumstances instead of waiting as long as I did.I've been thinking about my little piece of the web and how the neglect it's suffered boarders on abuse. And that's when I realized the exact date: Monday, August 11, 2008. That was the exact day I stopped living for

Mr. Freeze Versus the Thyroglobulins

2008-09-05T10:33:00.000-04:00

Having become something of a biopsy regular, I don't have the same story this time that I had last time. The only noticeable difference is that my newly acquired, super expensive, super exclusive endocrinologist doesn't believe in local anaesthetics."The injection of the anaesthetic will be just as painful as the biopsy needle," he tried to explain to me."Yes, but there isn't one biopsy

A Little More Fortune

2008-07-31T16:48:00.001-04:00

My life has changed so drastically over the past month that it's hard to believe I come home to the same apartment and the same boyfriend every night. It's as if I flipped a switch and started life over, just with the same bed sheets.For starters, I left my job that I've kept for the past two and a half years. Although I'm grateful to the company for giving me a break into writing within an

That FURminator is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear.

2008-06-20T16:36:00.007-04:00

I'm afraid I've gone the way of crazy dog lady. Not only that, but I also ordered my very first As Seen on TV product. And the two above stated facts are related, which makes the situation that much worse.They called it the FURminator. I giggled. They swore it was the brush to end all grooming brushes. I laughed. They said reduces shedding by 90%. I leaned forward on the couch and picked up the

They have specific seating for that

2008-06-18T09:36:00.006-04:00

Boyfriend and I were watching the Barrett-Jackson auto auction on the Speed Channel the other night. Fine, Boyfriend was watching it and I was knitting and wishing for sweet death to avoid watching a 4-hour car auction on TV.Apparent celebrity Caroll Shelby, who I'm told has something to do with Mustangs, steps to the podium to sell his personal Mustang. Boyfriend gasps at the sight of him. I

Unlimited Shipping for $2.95 and One Headache

2008-06-09T14:31:00.006-04:00

I bought a couple of books from Overstock.com a little over a week ago. I've tried waiting patiently for them, but then five minutes had passed and they still weren't here yet.Sending anything via media mail is a roll of the dice—sometimes it arrives in a week and everything is fine, except the package had already been opened. Other times a month passes and that person you mailed a book to thinks

For whiter, brighter dogs too

2008-05-29T11:02:00.008-04:00

For Memorial Day Boyfriend and I and the dog attended a BBQ at my father's house. Any time Nikita visits my father's house, she loves to descend the swimming pool steps until the cool water covers her chest. She'll lap up a drink to my protests, and then she'll climb back out and shake off. She repeats this pattern as desired, but in the summertime it's every few minutes.But this time the

Hrm

2008-05-12T12:36:00.004-04:00

Celebrity sighting: Ludacris and Tommy Lee in the parking lot of Disco Kroger during my lunch hour.

You think 27 is old, do you?

2008-04-25T09:59:00.000-04:00

I stood at my kitchen counter and sorted through the mail. In my stack were mostly credit-related items--the fact that the day was my birthday wasn't affected in the envelopes, save a package from Amazon.com from a friend. Experian sent a notice they received my dispute. Trans Union confirmed my correction to my address.And an assisted living center was asking for my business.

MTV did a fine job preparing me for The Real World

2008-04-15T10:40:00.009-04:00

I dug through my bookshelf last night and pulled out a book I had been saving. When Boyfriend moved in, there wasn't room for my entire library and most of my books had to be boxed and now reside in my mother's basement. So long, Why Men Love Bitches. So long, He's Just Not That Into You, and my favored response book: Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either, I don't need you anymore. He's into

Sasha

2008-04-08T16:54:00.004-04:00

My father, who is not a movie man, declares Doctor Zhivago his favorite film of all time. He is not quiet about this opinion, speaking of it often and nonchalantly. As I think about it now, it almost seems he works it in conversation. What are we watching? Some dumbass movie? My favorite is Doctor Zhivago—great love story. I used to think he said it because it was probably the only movie the man

Happiness is...

2008-04-01T15:39:00.001-04:00

Bobbing my head along to the opening song of the newest episode of The Hills (especially when there are two new episodes in one night)Finding a peanut M&M that had rolled away from its brothers and sisters two days ago (it was still delicious)Big Brother 9 (despite the cast is a singular group of fuckwits)Happiness is reality TV and old, uneaten candy? Um, erm...

Turns out he's the guy who ruined snowmen for children everywhere

2008-03-28T17:27:00.008-04:00

Boyfriend came home from washing my truck for me (awesome) and handed me one of my Wachovia bank deposit envelopes I stash in the door of the truck. "I got Young Jeezy's autograph for you.""Who?""You don't know who Young Jeezy is?" he asked, honestly shocked."No," I shrugged."He's a rapper. He's as big as TI," he explained slowly as if I was a two-year-old who speaks English as a second language.

Commercial Break

2008-03-26T10:29:00.002-04:00

It's official: the economy is in a recession. I heard it's the worst recession since the Great Depression and I'd be lying if I wasn't half-convinced that I'm going to be homeless and begging for food on the streets within the year. Money's tight and my social calendar has become boring because I'm making sure to pay my credit card bill in full every month--if I'm not in debt then I have nothing

Emo is short for Emotional

2008-03-24T16:42:00.002-04:00

I've never felt like I've belonged. I was the first kid on my block whose parents divorced. I've spent my entire life being shuttled back and forth between two families, splitting time so that my memories are incomplete pieces.Then in elementary school I was terrorized and bullied by one Michael Honeycutt because... I read books. Books without pictures. I've never quite gotten over Michael

The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

2008-03-17T14:08:00.008-04:00

Last week was a really bad week for me. A really, really bad week. It started with a fight I never care to relive, then my truck got broken into—again—breaking the back lock on the liftgate and making off with a wallet. And it ended with a cancer biopsy.By Friday, I was done. I managed to get into one more fight, this time with my boss, and I headed home for the weekend with specifically nothing

Waiting

2008-03-13T16:52:00.003-04:00

The nurse walked into the waiting room."Jamie Ck...ck...ck," she stuttered.Boyfriend corrected her and I gave her the warm, forgiving smile that I reserve for strangers who attempt my last name. That's okay. I forgive you. You tried.And because Boyfriend took charge—the way he always does—the nurse assumed he was Jamie."Thanks for waiting for so long, if you just follow me back here-" the nurse

Cosmo wants to see your Britney

2008-02-29T09:30:00.002-05:00

Meeting Ty Pennington

2008-02-21T10:20:00.007-05:00

Ty Pennington bought a scooter from my boyfriend. I don't even watch Extreme Makeover anymore (the show just won't end until everybody cries), but I made Boyfriend take my camera to work with him on the day Ty came and picked it up. Yes, his coworkers made fun of him.Here is the bike while they were still building it.Then Ty had them modify it 24 rear-view mirrors. Each mirror doesn't actually

Murder Kroger and also Prostitution Is Funny

2008-01-14T16:39:00.000-05:00

Will just sent me this e-mail: From: WillSent: Monday, January 14, 2008 4:34 PMTo: JamieSubject: RE: I haven’t heard this song yet, but I think you might enjoy the lyrics: http://attractiveeightieswomen.com/lyrics.html#murderkroger(the frontman is former R&B cartoonist Mack Williams) Yes, it's a song about my Murder Kroger. In fact, his song mirrors my post about it so awesomely,

Randomness (you love me anyway)

2008-01-09T15:58:00.000-05:00

Just now, when I went to open up Blogger, I typed "bloogle" in the address bar. No, I haven't been brainwashed at all.In other news, this was a link I knew I shouldn't click on, but did anyway:

Whoops

2008-01-01T13:06:00.000-05:00

My New Year's Resolutions of 2007:Finish Atlas Shrugged.Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.My New Year's Resolutions of 2008:Finish Atlas Shrugged.Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.Finish Gone with the Wind.

Holiday Vacation Revelations, Take Four

2007-12-31T11:48:00.002-05:00

"So Jamie, what do you do for a living?"It was a simple enough question, but yet when I opened my mouth to answer, nothing came out. Frantically I looked up to Boyfriend for some sort of hint and looked back at the girl wide-eyed when no hint came.What the hell do I do? I watch TV all day in my jammies! I play Guitar Hero at 4 in the afternoon! But that's not the answer she's looking for... Oh

Holiday Vacation Revelations, Take Three

2007-12-28T17:27:00.000-05:00

I noticed my butt got two sizes too big, so I finally dug myself out of the couch and ventured to the stores to return a few miscalculated Christmas presents and to pick up some additional ones for myself. Then, at the shops, I forced myself to take the stairs instead of the lovely escalator.Ahead of me on the staircase was your typical Buckhead Betty: size four, pretty, in leggings. In leggings

Holiday Vacation Revelations, Take Two

2007-12-27T10:14:00.000-05:00

This show = very addicting.

Holiday Vacation Revelations, Take One

2007-12-26T19:05:00.000-05:00

Today I watched the Keyshia Cole reality show marathon on BET. I don't know a thing about Keyshia Cole or her music, I just wanted to see where the famous people hang out in Atlanta. I figured it was as close as The Hills is going to get to my doorstep.It was somewhere between hour four and six of the marathon when I realized that damn, her family is crazazy and I am actually okay with never

Another Christmas Miracle

2007-12-21T15:15:00.001-05:00

"I'm sorry you didn't get a Christmas bonus," Boyfriend said one night this week while we were watching TV. He reached his hand up and rubbed my shoulder."I guess it's not that bad," I admitted. "I mean the dog has fleas and my check engine light just popped on, and that check really would have helped with both, but I'll manage without.""Well, you can have mine if you want."I broke contact with

A Christmas Miracle

2007-12-19T10:14:00.001-05:00

Going green this Christmas, I decided to do all of my Christmas shopping on the scooter. My pink knit hat firmly placed under my helmet and scarf tucked in my sweater and jacket, I zipped around the city for my various errands. My favorite moment was driving between construction cones to the sounds of angry drivers honking as I dodged traffic and parked on the sidewalk in front of the Fox to get

I take the wins where I can get them

2007-12-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

I didn't get a Christmas bonus this year. Fortunately for me, I know where to get my Christmas money.As Office Husband said, it feels good to be number one.

Sometimes

2007-12-05T11:15:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel really guilty when I shy away from panhandlers instead of hearing them out. I'll think back to a church lesson I heard when I was a child. The details are fuzzy since the church days have ceased, but I think it was the Good Samaritan parable. A homeless man goes to person to person seeking aid and is turned down until a Samaritan gives him a bath and a meal. Would you give a

Sorry Mom, no grandkids

2007-11-29T15:37:00.000-05:00

Iamjoininganunnery.

Phone Call

2007-11-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

Dad: Your step-mom was disappointed you didn't like your early Christmas present...J: No, I liked it. It's just... it's just I liked it so much I bought it for you last year.Dad: ...We regifted?J: I saw it at the after-Christmas sale last year and I called step-mom to see if she wanted it since it was marked down 75%. She said yes, so I bought two.Dad: ...So you already have one?J: Yup, so at

How the hell did I miss this?

2007-11-27T16:59:00.000-05:00

Next to my apartment building is an underground butch black lesbian club. I mean, I live there; you pick up on these things. It appeared to be an abandoned shack, but every Friday and Saturday nights, the street would line with cars and the shack had people spilling from it until ungodly early morning hours.Monday morning I noticed the place had burned down and I didn't think to Google it to see

Fun Fact

2007-10-23T11:20:00.001-04:00

T.I. and I shop at the same Walgreens.Only he goes there for machine guns and I go there for birth control.

On Dogs

2007-10-22T10:08:00.000-04:00

I don't care who you think you are or where you think you came from, everybody at some point in their life has wanted a dog. And I'm pretty sure I know the real reason. The real reason is: Everybody at some point in their life has wanted to have a stuffed animal come to life and be their pal. Tell me I'm wrong and I will laugh and laugh and laugh.From DOGBLOG

The Scariest Place in Midtown

2007-10-18T15:44:00.001-04:00

I thought the Citi Kroger down by the airport was the scariest Kroger in town after I witnessed an actual drive-by there several years ago. I was in college and had picked up Geoff at the airport at the end of winter break. Heading home, we realized that we wouldn't make it back to Athens by the time they would stop selling alcohol, so we stopped at the Citi Kroger for a 6-pack of PBR.My first

And then I picked my nose

2007-10-16T11:40:00.000-04:00

"Gross."This morning I found myself filling in at reception as the receptionist has pink eye and the back-up girl is currently at the eye doctor getting screened for pink eye. When coworkers asked what I was doing sitting up front, I quipped, "Not touching my face." Everything in front of me--the phone, the keyboard, the pen--was possibly contaminated.And of course, not being able to touch my

Behold, my barstools

2007-10-11T15:51:00.001-04:00

One of the reasons I ended up on an unexpected blogging break was because I didn't know how to handle my relationship with Boyfriend on the blog. With the increasing number of posts in which Boyfriend began appearing, I found myself dissatisfied to share this space--which is so personal to me--with someone else.I've always been fiercely independent to the point of proud, and boys on my blog

Come and listen to a story

2007-10-10T10:12:00.000-04:00

I admit it: it had been awhile since I last washed my truck. About a year, actually. It started out innocently enough, then the car got too dirty to run through the tunnel of the Cactus Car Wash, forcing me to have to wash it by hand. Which I never did.Then one day I squeegeed my rear window while getting gas and I watched in horror as the combination of Windex and black road dirt amalgamated

Intervention: The Drinking Game

2007-10-03T12:58:00.000-04:00

Premise: Watch A&E's Intervention. Anytime the subject uses the addiction of choice, take a drink. Bonus drinks for passing out, falling down, or crying. If the subject gets arrested or ends up in the hospital, finish your drink.Result: Watching the subject passing out, falling down, and/or crying is not really conducive for getting drunk. It's actually pretty depressing. It's kind of like when

Another Aha! Moment

2007-10-02T10:22:00.000-04:00

After several unanswered e-mails to the postal service, I licked the envelope and added it the outgoing mail.Of course the pony express isn't going to answer my inquiry via the free form of communication.

Any Other Monday

2007-10-01T13:05:00.001-04:00

The alarm went off this morning and I rolled over and debated if I was still drunk. What I was feeling, however, was not the affects of alcohol, but rather sheer exhaustion. Sunday was spent painting Boyfriend's apartment and moving his things into mine. Packing, cleaning, painting, and unpacking—I didn't get into bed until late and fell asleep even later. I've never officially lived with a boy

The hell.

2007-09-13T13:21:00.001-04:00

What's been going on in my life:Omigod, will that ceiling stop fucking leaking! With the summer showers comes the piss-colored water dripping in my kitchen, which is inevitably followed by contractors who are scared of my dog and painters who do a shitty job of covering up the water stains.This was followed by threats of getting a lawyer and suing my apartment complex for breach of contract (I

Hello, is it me you're looking for?

2007-09-04T09:22:00.001-04:00

Note to self: When taking a blog hiatus, make sure your last post isn't about flesh-eating bacteria virus.I got this e-mail the other day. It made me think of my blog:It's time to come back. In full force.

The Girlfriend Chronicles: Day 24

2007-07-16T18:25:00.001-04:00

Very sad day today. Boyfriend's friend is not expected to make it through the day. Apparently she contracted some flesh-eating bacterial disease. CDC does not know what it is. She's quarantined and being treated by bio-suits.Asked Boyfriend when was the last time he saw her. Said he hugged her and kissed her on FRIDAY. Have obviously been in contact with Boyfriend since Friday. Been Googling the

Because I want to update my blog, but am too lazy to finish the story about the almost-fistfight I started. Now that's a good story.

2007-07-10T17:11:00.002-04:00

Jamie: Will you be my bug killer and pickle jar opener?Boyfriend: I already am.Jamie: I know. I just wanted to make it official.

Both literally and metaphorically

2007-07-03T11:14:00.001-04:00

Boyfriend: I thought getting back into a relationship would be like riding a bike.Jamie: Yes, Boyfriend, but we both wrecked.

Nerd Alert

2007-06-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

For Don't Eat the Token: Your Score: quotation marks You scored 61% Sociability and 64% Sophistication! There is a lot more to you than meets the eye. You certainly get plenty of "action," but you'd be happier if those who lusted after you were more selective. You hate being used as a general intensifier; haven't these people ever heard of underlining?

The Girlfriend Chronicles: Day 3

2007-06-26T11:49:00.001-04:00

Boyfriend called today. Managed to wreck his scooter as well. Asked him if he was okay and said no, so left work early to possibly take him to ER. Instead found him at local tattoo parlor getting another tattoo while he was waiting on me. Said he wouldn't feel anything anyways.Boyfriend may be crazy.Friends can't stop laughing at 2 of us as story has now come full circle. His wounds are identical

Because no one actually knows who he is

2007-06-25T10:48:00.000-04:00

This made me laugh a lot harder than I probably should have.

2007-06-25T09:04:00.000-04:00

----------------- Original Message -----------------From: JonathanTo: JamieDate: Jun 20, 2007 7:27 PMI'm on yo momma!Not literally though.Here's a link to the episode with the Ying Yang Twins that I'm kinda on.Pause it at 5:01 and look.www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1559154&vid=148066-----------------End Original Message -------------So I did. Can you see my friend Jonathan?He's the white guy.

Boyfriended

2007-06-20T16:50:00.001-04:00

So I got boyfriended the other night.He mumbled it quickly and quietly but he definitely put it out there, "So I guess I'm your boyfriend."Continuing my strife to be the most commitment-phobic and emotionally damaged person ever, I froze. A deer in headlights, I thought if I ignored it, it didn't happen.So I guess I'm your boyfriend.Oh. My. God."You're in it now," cautioned Cubicle Neighbor. "If

The Great Murphy

2007-06-19T16:27:00.001-04:00

I've become something of a superstitious dater. At first I just thought of them as rules: don't give them your last name until the third date, don't save their numbers into your phone until the fourth date is planned, etc. But they have since crossed the realm of silly rules to Gumperson's Law:The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.A boy was supposed to

Fun with Emoticons

2007-06-18T13:06:00.000-04:00

Cubicle Neighbor sent me this charming little e-mail Friday afternoon:Cubicle Neighbor: So was I right?Jamie: Yeah, pretty much!I guess she's heard enough Monday Morning Stories to know.

Wrecked

2007-06-14T16:37:00.001-04:00

The salesman, feeling responsible, has called me every afternoon to see how I'm doing. I have more large black bruises than I have fingers and toes. I limp. I can't stand or even cross my legs without pain. Advil and I have become close buddies. So has an additional chair in my cubicle that I prop both my legs on. While my right leg doesn't have the massive bruise that stretches down my calf like

I would like to tell you a story called "Too Much Front Brake."

2007-06-13T09:31:00.001-04:00

As he promised, the salesman called Tuesday while I was at work. I told him how I basically sold myself on the idea, "But it's a lifestyle change, and I want be sure this is something I would enjoy, but I need more than a couple minutes in a parking lot on a scooter."So he told me to come by after the shop had closed for the evening and he and I would go for a ride together.Sounds great, right?I

Doh!

2007-06-12T16:22:00.000-04:00

This was a blog post I had originally written in January, but didn't post because it makes a certain someone look a little slutty:You know it's time to start dating in a new city when the band you worked your way through in college gets a new drummer--and you have previously made out with him.Except now that sentence needs to be revised:You know it's time to start dating in another state because

Scoot

2007-06-11T15:01:00.001-04:00

I spent Saturday afternoon test driving Vespas. With gas prices expecting to reach $4 a gallon and my gas-hog of an SUV, I figured I could afford a scooter for tooling around the city with what I would be saving on gas.My chipped-tooth and tattooed but cute-as-a-button salesmantook me into a parking lot and taught me how to drive the scooter... after I insisted on riding with him of course.

He thinks I'm more beautiful than a Picasso. And slightly less creepy.

2007-06-10T23:25:00.000-04:00

I came across this slightly outrageous product-promotion website. You create an avatar of your dream man who then lives in --wait for it--a ManQuarium.Your man compliments you as he floats around with cheesy phrases like “I know. Guys are supposed to be into cars and stuff. But I'm just into you," sends you e-mails, and, apparently, is intended to make you feel like the goddess you are. He even

She was shot.

2007-06-06T11:12:00.000-04:00

This is the funniest thing I have seen since I Googled flaming shots gone wrong.Sylvia Brown Worlds Worst Psychic - Watch more free videos

Back in Blonde

2007-06-03T16:16:00.000-04:00

And just in time for summer.Let's never talk about the last 3 months, what I refer to as The Dark Period, ever again.

I guess it's obvious, I also like to write.

2007-06-01T14:34:00.000-04:00

J called me yesterday while I was at work. We went out last Sunday and it was a good date. Of course any outing where I get serenaded at a sushi bar with "The Humpty Dance" is obviously one for the books."I would be a lucky guy if you came to my show this Saturday," he offered.He was trying and it won him major points, but as I hung up the phone, my mind wandered. I'm attracted to men with their

Defining

2007-05-31T23:47:00.000-04:00

self·ish·ness 'sel-fish-ness (noun):When my mother calls to tell me she's headed out of town because my step-grandparents are in rapidly declining health and I respond with "But did you hear what I said? I am an hour late meeting my friends because my step-mom didn't call me to tell me she no longer needed me to drop the camera off!"in·sen·si·tiv·i·ty (")in-"sen(t)-s&-'ti-v&-tE (noun):This has

Chasing Painted Horses

2007-05-20T23:50:00.000-04:00

But there ain't no backTo a merry-go-round!--Langston Hughes, "Merry-Go-Round"The Boy and I rode the merry-go-round today. It was one of those cheap mock carnivals in a mall parking lot where all the rides are unfolded semi-trailers. Well, all the rides but the merry-go-round; it's the one ride that can't be cheapened by folding it up into a 53-foot trailer.He exchanged a few bills into tickets

This will go down on your permanent record

2007-05-19T15:47:00.001-04:00

For my dear friend and resident poet, Ryan.I once got a phone call from Ryan--it was after I had written this post."Are you really still mad over the CD thing?""No." And honestly I was over it. Over two years had past between the writing of that blog post and my shin-kicking vow to raise as much hell in his truck when he puts on Eminem when he knows fully well that I refuse to have anything to do

Unrequited

2007-05-17T16:32:00.001-04:00

Iwantarubber bandball.

The saga continues

2007-05-15T09:29:00.000-04:00

MIKE: What happened to you? I thought you were going back to blonde. Did you lose a bet or something?JAMIE: Well, apparently if they accidentally dye your hair green--and you begin to cry really hard in the middle of the salon--they'll fix it by making it this color and they'll knock a lot of money off your bill. A lot of money.MIKE: (laughs so hard he cries) What color is that anyways?JAMIE: I'm

Room with a View

2007-05-14T12:55:00.001-04:00

This morning my boss found me standing in the bottom level of a parking garage, holding a glass of iced tea and not doing anything else in particular."To the right," she said.To the right was the direction of our new office. Only I didn't know which way to go and I had sort of given up on the going-to-work thing this morning. At least I had my tea.I followed my boss into the elevator and let her

Secrets

2007-05-10T10:21:00.000-04:00

I've become increasingly disappointed with the PostSecret site over the past year. With it's growing fame, I feel that it's lost the subversive touch that made PostSecret so popular to begin with. It seems like every 14-year-old emo kid with a pair of scissors and a printer is submitting material. I'm sorry, but I don't think middle-school wishes formed the foundation of the project.It was the

Fervor Over Fortune

2007-05-06T22:57:00.000-04:00

There's only one reason I get in funks. I spend so much energy being a good person and doing what's right, and often I feel like Karma isn't rewarding enough. Matter of fact, Karma frequently enjoys pushing me face-first in the mud and then taunting me in song format afterwards. Additionally, the sanguineness in me believes that this time will always be different, when usually it's not.I've

Mommy and Daddy are fighting

2007-05-04T10:43:00.000-04:00

I've been at odds with the city recently. It seems to have lost its springtime appeal: the Bradford Pear blooms had long since fallen and the city seems nestled under a blanket of yellow pollen.And the homeless have reemerged.During the IDOL GIVES BACK fundraising--when each member had to find a local charity to support-- it seemed fitting that Atlanta's Ryan Seacrest chose acknowledge the

Shear Willpower

2007-05-02T21:48:00.000-04:00

My inner blonde is slowly becoming my outer blonde.I'm getting ideas.

My parents should just accept this by now

2007-04-30T23:13:00.000-04:00

When my family came over to my apartment to celebrate my birthday, they began to dig in my fridge. (Let's not discuss why they were in my fridge because I have no idea. Let's just accept this as fact and move on.)"James! Your refrigerator looks like it came out of Cribs. All you have in here are condiments and beer!" scorned my brother."Wait. I have beer?" I got all excited; I thought I had been

Lady Lazarus

2007-04-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

Have you ever heard a song and by the time it was over, you knew it was yours? Felt it wrap around your heart like a lover's boneless embrace?I feel if I reveal anything more, I'll destroy the reasons I love this song."SYLVIA PLATH" - Ryan AdamsI wish I had a Sylvia PlathBusted tooth and a smileAnd cigarette ashes in her drinkThe kind that goes out and then sleeps for a weekThe kind that goes out

I must be doing something wrong. Or totally right.

2007-04-26T09:14:00.000-04:00

I found this little gem in my inbox this morning:From: MichaelSent: Thursday, April 26, 2007 7:40 AMTo: JamieSubject: RE: Dress on Friday I don’t know why I thought of you when I saw this, but it might come in handy.Hilarious.I read the product description. "Whathaveyou" is actually not one word like they suggest, but based on what they're selling, I guess they can't all be grammatical

Attention:

2007-04-24T09:00:00.000-04:00

Today is my birthday.Buy me pretty things.Tell me how happy you are that the world made me.Sing to me and light small fires using lots of tiny wicks in my honor.But mainly, buy me pretty things.* "pretty" may be substituted for "shiny" where applicable.** Both may be substituted for "expensive."

Proooooooom! Revisited

2007-04-22T22:11:00.000-04:00

As posted on MySpace:I finally had time to go through the party photos from last week and I deleted 30 pics deemed too hot for MySpace.And I'm still left with over 70 inappropriate photos.These things are a mess. I guess that's what happens when someone spikes the punch (we done good Andrew :)When my friends and I ventured to Aveda to get our hair done for prom, we had a difficult time

Proceed cautiously: adulthood ahead.

2007-04-19T12:25:00.000-04:00

Today I opened up a HSA.That's grown-up slang for a health savings account.I have a health savings account.*Hangs head in utter shame*