First World Problems

Me, on phone to my mother: Hey mom, I found this album art that I think would make a cool painting for my bedroom. If I come over and visit this weekend, do you think you could sketch it on the canvas for me?

My mother: I don't know how you lost your confidence with drawing. I always thought you were so good at it when you were younger.

Me: MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE WHEN YOU WERE MY ART TEACHER, YOU GAVE ME A B INSTEAD OF AN A!!!

My mother: (Quietly) I did that?

Me: (Pouting) Yes.

My mother: Oh. (Pause.) Yes, I'll sketch it for you.

My mother was the only art teacher I've ever had; all drawing deficiencies can solely rest on her. She says the years we went to school together were special. I never got away with putting a change of clothes into my backpack.

true story.

Me, on phone to my mother: So Royal Bank of Canada pulled my credit to see if it could do better with my car loan, and it is able to cut my interest rate in half, saving me $80 a month. And by the way, she said I have a 780 FICO. Perfect credit is 800. Just so you know, I'm awesome.

My mother: (Stilted) That's great, Jamie.

Me: IS THIS LIKE THE TIME I BROUGHT HOME MY REPORT CARD AND I GOT A 94 AND YOU ASKED WHY IT WASN'T A 96!?!?!? 780, Mom! Seven eightyyyyy!

My mother: No. I'm quiet because I don't want you to get too full of yourself and buy anything.

My mother, ladies and gentlemen. She can always find the dark cloud in anything.